Wonderful! - Wonderful! Ep. 12: THE HUNGER GAMES: THANKSGIVING BATTLE ROYALE 2017

Episode Date: November 22, 2017

All your favorite Thanksgiving foods meet in the THANKSGIVING ARENA to decide this holiday's edible victor. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE. Music: "Money Won't Pay" by Bo En and Augustus: https://open.spotify.com/track/5hs2nY40aeqM0mpP8SBOon MaxFunDrive ends on March 29, 2024! Support our show now by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.

🎵 Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. Hello, this is Griffin McElroy. And this is wonderful. No. I mean, it is. But, the tone's gotta be down here, because this is our special Thanksgiving episode. And if you like this show because it's a fun, light, loving, nurturing environment about two people who want to share their enthusiasm about things in a non-competitive way, eat

dirt, pal, and kick rocks, and hoof my shorts, because it's Thanksgiving. You know what we should call this episode? What, babe? I already thought of it. I know, you've been bouncing up and down for about 30 seconds, and I can't wait to hear.

I know we like to get to it. Deliver the payload. We like to get to it organically with some joke or something, but we should call it The Hunger Games. Yeah, all right. This one's The Hunger Games. Yeah, right. This one's The Hunger Games.

It's weird how they had an episode where they talked about how good The Hunger Games. No, no. You're stepping into the food arena here at Food Stadium. Here at Food Country. And we're your hosts for the battle, Griffin and Rachel. And we're here to pit all of your Thanksgiving classics against each other. Because, I don't know, babe, I don't know why we've decided on this format. But I feel like I look at all this food on my table, I know I don't have enough room in my tumbler for all the food. And so I have to make this is service journalism is what it is.

So we're going to talk about the food and why it's good, but we do need to decide what the best foods is so that I have help. I've plate help from us, your food friends. Can I clarify something about this challenge? Oh, huh? Are we ruling out turkey? I have a special. So I've designed the brackets. Because here's the thing.

I've designed the brackets. No, listen. I've designed the brackets specifically around this concern the thing. I've designed the brackets. No, listen. I've designed the brackets specifically around this concern. Because side v. side makes sense. We got this, babe. That's why I've designed the brackets. I spent six hours today on the brackets. And so I don't need you coming in here, latecomer Jim, and saying like, what about turkey?

I spent all day thinking. That's why I didn't get anything done. I spent all day thinking like, what about turkey? I spent all day thinking. That's why I didn't get anything done. I spent all day thinking about what about turkey? Speaking of we got this, this actually, if you enjoy your favorite things pitted against each other, that's a great Maximum Fun show. That is a great Maximum Fun show. This particular formula of taking foods and pitting them against other foods in a nonstop coliseum a marathon sprint through all foods was actually inspired by an episode of a japanese style originator a show i've talked

about before where they talked about what the best japanese tea sweets are but no i'm not here thanksgiving heavy hearty and football and god i have been trying to think of a pun with the word gobble in it for like the whole intro now, and I just can't. We're going to throw all these names of foods into the gobble it of fire. That's good. And it wasn't. It sucked. Do you want to get started, babe?

Because I think we're going to move through these things. I've got about like 15 items here, and we're going to have two rounds. First round is just going to be kind of the qualifier, and I have those divided into different brackets. Okay. I think we just talk about what we like about these foods, because I am enthusiastic about all these foods, but obviously there's a best food.

Okay. And all the other food can fuck off, and I'm sorry that we wasted time even talking about it, because it didn't win. Our first food is cranberry sauce. Love it. Love it. Yeah, I used to not be a fan.

I think a lot- You know what's interesting? I would say about 80% of Thanksgiving sides I didn't used to be into. And then I started cooking them for you and you were like, oh damn, a cranberry sauce. I'm sorry. I don't want to toot my whistle,

but cranberry sauce I thought was largely decorative for a long time until I made it myself. And I wasn't using that like super acidic chew through the table ocean spray fucking hardcore bitter shit here's the thing i didn't realize until i met griffin um there's really no reason to use that can here's the recipe sugar orange juice cranberry sauce done put those in a fucking pot cranberry sauce youberry sauce. You mean cranberries. Cranberries. Cranberries. Not cranberry sauce.

Whole cranberries. And you boil it down. It takes like 10 minutes and it is, I swear to God, 100 times. And you can actually eat it. Like you can't eat a bunch of that cylinder. That ringed, ribbed, for her pleasure, cylinder that comes out of that fucking can. It's fine. It's fine.

It's fine. But it's so bitter and it's so like, you can't eat a lot of that. Homemade cranberry sauce, you can go to town on that. Eat that shit. It's very good. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. But it's so bitter. And it's so like, you can't eat a lot of that. Homemade cranberry sauce, you can go to town on that. Eat that shit. It's very good. It's so good. So that's what we're starting out with. Here's the thing, though. This is going to be tough.

Most of these sides are best when paired with another Thanksgiving dish. That's why this first thing is just kind of all sides. Okay. The second thing is stuffing or dressing. Did you know? Merriam-Webster put out a tweet this week that was like, if it's inside the bird, it's stuffing.

If it's outside the bird, it's dressing. All other uses are incorrect. I had no idea. Yeah, I never really thought about it. But it's the same shit. We are talking about savory wet bread with celery in it. I get it. I get it.

I get it. This is another thing I used to not get. I was like, it tastes like somebody already chewed my bread for me. And I will be honest that I am still kind of on that side of the fence. I got real into it. I think because it pairs so well with other items. That's going to be true of all these things. And we cannot, these things are helpers and I get that.

But what's the best helper? Because I think that stuffing is at the end of the day, wet bread with little chunks of celery in it. And I think that that sort of, it's sort of the same way where I don't like to eat like watercress in like a stir fry or something like that. Cause you're eating and everything's the same texture. And then, Ooh,

a vegetable crunch. What are you doing? I sat on my nuts. Holy shit, baby. Rachel just produced them like an egg from a chicken or something like that. I want to talk to you about oyster stuffing. I've never had oyster stuffing. I think I could really fuck with it, though.

So shellfish used to be a big thing for the Americans. Tell me more. Yeah. Shellfish used to be a big thing for the Americans. Tell me more. Yeah. And Americans also ate their favorite shellfish. Oh, it was also that you're trying to say. Yikes.

At the oyster saloons that proliferated in the 19th century. Shit, that sounds dope. And so it was not uncommon to see oysters and stuffing. And it's still not uncommon. I think in New England especially, it is sort of a featured dish up there. New England has a bunch of sort of arcane Thanksgiving dishes. I don't know that I've ever had it either.

I don't think so. But that being said, dressing, stuffing, I get you. I get what you're there for. I do think that versus cranberry sauce cranberry sauce is is my victor yeah you know i i wouldn't eat a bowl of stuffing by itself necessarily i think i would with cranberry sauce for sure all right next groffy well and now and now the now we're off to the fucking races. I'm thumbs down. No. Don't really like it.

It's food moistener. Yeah. I mean, I appreciate that about it. I appreciate its usefulness, but I don't like my meat to be liquid. I know what I said about all these are companion items and so we shouldn't, whatever. But this is the only companion item in my mind where if it's not at the table the rest of the meal is pretty much ruined like if there's no cranberry sauce i'm like oh okay whatever if i can't get those tatos wet if i can't get that

turkey glistening it's so important to me babe i don't get it you put it on you can put it on pretty much everything i like okay here's the thing. I like biscuits and gravy. Okay. So you don't put gravy on like your Thanksgiving turkey and your mashed tatoes? Not usually, no. Baby. There was just something about the idea of it. Of more, I will say this. There's very little food on that plate that needs more moisture. Like meat on meat.

I mean, gravy's not meat. That's what you're saying is buck wild. Isn't gravy usually have a meat element to it? Yeah, but that's like saying that like ramen broth is meat. It's not. It's a broth. I guess so. Gravy is fantastic.

And you can put it on rolls. You can put it on tatoes. You can put it on turkey. What are we versing? Cranberry sauce. I think gravy for me. Cranberry sauce. Damn it.

All right. Can I persuade you? Yeah. I think this for me. Cranberry sauce. Damn it. Alright, can I persuade you? Yeah, I think this is our first sort of, at this rate by the way, this episode is going to be four hours long. Cranberry sauce fresh, light, works as dessert, works as a side. Yeah. You eat it, you don't necessarily

feel like, oh, I had too much cranberry sauce. It's true. I will give you cranberry sauce over gravy, but only because gravy you can have a lot of other times of the year. You can have gravy on biscuits, like you said earlier. You can have gravy on like an au jus sandwich or a meatloaf, but cranberry sauce is like French fries, right? Cranberry.

Yeah, on poutine. If you have cranberry sauce any other day but Thanksgiving Day, then you are a food criminal. And I think you belong in the darkest prison. I think you belong in hell. I'm sorry. Wow. Anyway, the next item in the final item of the essentials column is rolls. Now, I'll say this about rolls.

This is going to be tricky for me. I'll say this about rolls. Rolls you can also have other times of the year in various different sort of shapes cheddar bay biscuit rolls that's the only roll hawaiian king rolls right there's lots of different types of rolls but i'm talking you know what i'm talking about those fluffy fucking dinner rolls we used to buy them frozen from a steakhouse in huntington and they were so freaking good, and they would come with a little brown butter. Oh, my God.

Rolls. And I will also say as an essential sort of component that can work with a lot of other things, rolls are, you cannot have the day after Thanksgiving sandwich without rolls, because you can put it on bread or whatever, but like rolls. Here's what I'll say. When I was young, I was a very picky eater. So on Thanksgiving, I would basically just eat rolls and turkey, and that

was it. Hell yes. All of the sides were too much for me. And you got it. Like, you got the experience. Rolls. I love rolls. I think I'm gonna go with rolls over cranberry sauce. Ooh. Do you really like cranberry sauce all that much, or are you just kind of rooting for the underdog right now?

Okay, here's the thing. Cranberry sauce has such a unique flavor, and rolls are just kind of red. Rolls also have a unique flavor. I will say this. They're just kind of red, though. Consider it this way. Take all the cranberry sauce in the world

and all of its different forms and all the different recipes and then all the rolls in the world. I'm doing it right now. Rolls win because there's so much fucking bogus cranberry sauce out there. Okay. Stronger. Stronger foundation. Stronger foundation for the rolls family. Okay.

I'll go rolls. The winner of the essentials column is roles and it's gonna change in 2018 i just want to say because this you know we're gonna get back to this and see how we've changed as people it feels like a little disappointing to me because it's not a thanksgiving you know have you ever had thanksgiving without roles there no then it's a thanksgiving thing and everybody else is just borrowing it and i would say this rolls have crossover appeal you can have gravy i guess in certain limited sort of situations you sure as fuck don't have stuffing and you sure as hell don't have cranberry sauce rolls have that crossover appeal but they gotta be in thanksgiving

it's essential that's why it's in the essentials column okay next category sides this one was originally called like sort of gelatinous sides but then i had to add some other stuff into it and there's a lot there's a lot in this category so we got to move fast first off and this is a late late edition macaroni and cheese see i saw that when i was doing my own research i don't believe it's a thanksgiving i do think it's i do think i've had it at most thanksgivings really um and there are certainly various variations on mac and cheese and uh i think last year we went up to uh our friends uh parents house here in uh here in austin or close to austin i made that like good horseradish baked mac and cheese. That was like really, really good.

I made that for Thanksgiving one year. You remember that? Sort of. Must have not left much of an impression. I get it. As an artisanal food, it gives you that cheese profile, which you don't get a lot of on Thanksgiving too. I just don't know that I, Thanksgiving food is so heavy

and I can have macaroni and cheese anytime of year. I don't know if i want to waste the space on macaroni and cheese all right all right mac and cheese sorry you put up maybe next year you'll put up better numbers next though green bean casserole i'm gonna go with mac and cheese green bean casserole come on green bean casserole feels like a fucking propaganda from big campbell's that was like our cream of mushroom soup we gotta get it in the game somehow. And then this was one of those fucking bullshit recipes they introduced in 1950s to sell their mushroom soup. They're like, you pour it on greenie beanies

and you put a little onion stuff on it. Well, I'm a little onion crispies. I feel like that's the only reason anyone eats it. It's those onion crispies. I used to say that green beans were my favorite vegetables. And now that I think about it, I think it's very content. Like, I like one or two different preparations of green beans. And otherwise. When did you say green beans were your favorite vegetable?

I mean, so we used to eat a lot of meals at, like, church and stuff. Like, Wednesday nights, we would go to church for, like, a youth group stuff. And they almost always had green beans. And so I ate it just because my exposure was sort of frequent. We ate like a lot of green beans growing up. And so like I tolerated them. But now when I'm older, like I just, there's not a whole lot of stuff that I'm rooting for green beans.

I like them when they're like very quickly cooked. Not like baked in the oven. Yeah. What's it? Blanched and bleached i love them dipped in bleach anyway green bean casserole can we just like oh man we'll just give it to mac and cheese i mean whatever this is corn pudding oh my god we are in the fucking weeds right now i don't think it's giving some good right i don't mind that so much the appeal of it uh at face value

not great doesn't look good it doesn't taste bad though i don't mind that so much. The appeal of it at face value, not great. It doesn't look good. No. It doesn't taste bad, though. I don't mind it. It doesn't smell good. It makes a gross, makes a yucky noise sometimes. Sweet corn, kind of like a...

I like corn. It just jiggles. What about creamed corn? Even, like, corn is good also on cob or off cob with like something special i think you and i are of the generation where you don't cook vegetables for very long like the best vegetables are the ones that are like roasted or very quickly cooked i hate cooked vegetables but i would say back in the day i like raw corn just right just give me a raw corn cob and i'll do the damn thing sometimes goes to

the movie theater and he says this popped corn is interesting but do you just have corn corn kernels yeah that i can eat like a wild crow um creamed corn oh man i mean i get that it's inauthentic but i still think i would i see these three sit next to each other on the table this is not fair no listen we are saying we are saying do you want slimy overcooked vegetables versus macaroni and cheese of course not that's what i'm saying that's how this game's gonna work though i see these three bowls sitting on the table one's got a beautiful golden you know horseradish with like a baked crumb top mac and cheese maybe there's a little flex of bacon in there maybe not whatever and then next to that is fucking green bean casserole looking up at you like the fucking

Necronomicon. And then right next to it is corn pudding that's just moving of its own volition. So right now our suggested meal is macaroni and cheese and rolls. Except the next contender is mashed potatoes. Clear off the table. Number one. Pillowy mounds of mashed potatoes. Clear off the table. Number one. Pillowy mounds of mashed potatoes. I am maybe the biggest mashed potato fan.

You know, when I was in college, it was not unusual for us to grocery shop and buy those instant mashed potato packets. Oh, fuck yeah. And just like eat those as a meal. Yeah. Mashed potatoes. Almost I would say in the same family as rolls, because mashed potatoes, you wouldn't think of it looking at it.

You can do some stuff to some mashed potatoes. You can, I almost, I- Are you going blue right now? I'm not saying you bone it. I'm saying you look at your plate, all right? Close your eyes. Imagine your plate on Thanksgiving. Yes.

And then imagine taking a bite of something on that plate. If I'm thinking of it, chances are I'm going to get some mashed potatoes in pretty much every bite if I can. Yeah. They are so good. They are the only food I can think of where on the fly you can sculpt it into a container for more gravy, which is fantastic for me. It's so good because I almost always need a place to put more gravy. No, that's a good point. When I was little, the idea of my foods touching was not preferred by me,

but mashed potatoes could touch anything they wanted to. You hear that, mashed potatoes? Go wild. Take me. Take me, mashed potatoes. Mashed potatoes Take me. Take me, mashed potatoes. Mashed potatoes, number one. I mean, okay. Next up is Kugel. Added this one, I think I've only had it a couple times at Thanksgiving. And really, Kugel encapsulates a lot of different types of food. There's also dessert Kugel. I'm thinking of it specifically in the more savory sense. Egg noodles, probably baked with some sort of creaminess or cheesiness in it. I remember a friend, Johnny, made it either last year or the year before last.

And I saw it on a couple of lists. I know it's a pretty untraditional one, but that Kugel really knocked my fucking socks off. I would say Kugel beats a mac and cheese in my mind because Kugelel is also it's a it's a jewish dish right and so it it is probably also served up on uh some of the the high holy days uh but it is also a thanksgiving classic and i like it but guys mashed potatoes is kind of the standard right now yeah uh you mentioned a suggestion to me right before we started recording, and it had to be on here was tamales. I think I've only seen that a couple of times since I've been living here in Austin. And obviously, this is not sort of a traditional American Thanksgiving food, but I feel like I see it a lot more now that we live in Texas. And there's pretty much never a time where I don't want to be eating a tamale,

including right now during this sentence. Yeah, I think it's just kind of a traditional celebratory food. I know it's also a New Year. This is weird. In Chicago, during New Year's Eve, there were tamales everywhere because there's a lot of door-to-door tamale vendors that just carry around those heater boxes. Well, it's a Christmas thing, heater boxes thing too yeah for sure it's just like a holiday celebratory meal um i know around here yeah you'll see a lot of of big sales and fundraisers with tamales and they are

so good they're good as hell we talked about them i think during our uh bit about the farmer's market because there's a place where we get them there that is pretty ballin'. But I think mashed potatoes is going to take the cake here, because again, it's just, it's a juggernaut. It's just such a versatile food. But, the final contender in sides. Sweet

potato casserole. The fucking clash of the potatoes. Potato v. potato. Both of these whipped bastards are gonna go head to head, sweet or savory. Who's gonna win it? Cause babe, I gotta be honest with you. I know what you're gonna want. I understand the versatility of mashed potatoes. I get it.

I get it. And I love it. I love it. I love it. Sweet potato casserole is one of my fucking favorite foods in the universe. Uh, should you share with our audience your feelings? If you say about marshmallows, I'm going to get angry at the audience for needing that explanation. If we're talking about potatoes with marshmallows, thumbs down.

If we're talking about potatoes with pecans, thumbs up. Pecans and like crumble, like brown sugar crumble on top. It's not even a thumbs down, thumbs up thing. If you put marshmallows in it, it's not even a thumbs down thumbs up thing if you put marshmallows in it it's like no no you went so hard after the people that eat cranberry sauce out of a can no i'm not judging if you eat cranberry sauce i can't i'm just saying there's other ways to do it but but if you put marshmallow but no i'm going at some no baby the line's got to be drawn somewhere and if you put marshmallows on your thing then what are what what is any of this i cut up scented candles and i tuck it into the stuffing for surprising delicious waxy bite.

Like, no, marshmallows have no place here. I'm talking about that pecan crumble up on top. Did you know that in 1917, the Angelus Marshmallows Company distributed a recipe booklet that taught Americans how they might use marshmallows? And that's how it ended up in sweet potato casserole? Yeah. That's what I'm saying. company distributed a recipe booklet that taught americans how they might use marshmallows this is and that's how it ended up in sweet potato casserole yeah that's what i'm saying like this is the i have learned one very important thing during this podcast and it's that like all of these staple foods that we have now came out of fucking food companies in the past they're like no one's buying our marsh mellows like well first of all stop calling them marsh mellows

and also tell people how to put them on sweet potato casserole wrong i don't mean to judge you if that's your jam go for it but please christ at least try it the other way here's what i'll say i love savory you know if i'm going to pick savory over sweet well there's i mean i'm ultimately yes i'm just going to put you're going to do that uh but i will say the thing i like about sweet potato casserole is there a variety of textures with those pecans whereas with regular mashed potatoes you don't get that multiple texture you laughed at the way i said regular regular mashed potatoes it really was like a really just good three words together i think sweet potato casserole is one of the most iconic thanksgiving foods see now here's another question i have about that though is it a dessert or is it a side no it is a side don't come at me like that have you ever

like finished a meal and been like i'm gonna go have some sweet potato casserole for it it's sweet but so is cranberry sauce cranberry sauce isn't a dessert it's a side okay nice try trying to catch me in your fucking web of deceit okay i think sweet potato casserole is my winner because i agree with you it is the only like thanksgiving it's a mashed potatoes you can also have other times a year and i know that that was a plus column for rolls but i i like this is a food it's one of my favorite foods my mom handed down this recipe that is like incredibly good and this is literally the only i I make it once a year. And that is, like, super special.

And I look forward to it so much. And I think Sweet Potato Casserole wins. Okay. I agree. All right. Let's, we need to finish up. But before we do that, I, oh, we already did Gobble Gobble, didn't we? We did.

I know. Shoot. What's another Thanksgiving noise? Yams, yams, yams, yams, yams, yams, yams, yams, yams, sincere message from Melissa to everyone listening. She said, my dad died in 07, and I worry that he'll be forgotten. I'd like to tell you and your listeners about him. His name was Eric. He was a bassist.

He loved the song Fish Heads. His favorite Spice Girl was Sporty. He wrote poetry. He was a gentle, loving man who always accepted me. Please think of him sometimes. Your love for Henry reminds me of him. Thank you so much for sharing all that. Well, that is incredibly sweet. And Eric sounds like he was the best dude.

I'm basing that entirely off of enjoying the song Fish Heads, which is one of my most important sort of character traits that i look for in a person well this is seriously that is very very sweet yeah thank you for sharing him with us melissa yeah we're sorry for your loss and but it sounds like he was a a great guy and yeah uh yeah uh here is another jumbotron and this one is for chase and it's from megan who says we did the damn thing and got married i'm so thankful we flirted in the pizza line in seventh grade damn that's a cold shot.

Can't wait for all our upcoming adventures slash lazy days. I still say that a Boy Meets World podcast is the way to earn Griffin and Rachel's friendship. Potentially. Yeah. Anyways, I love you. You're my favorite person. And I am so incredibly lucky to be your wife. That would be the way to earn griffin's friendship well definitely be the

way to earn travis's friendship because he is low-key sort of obsessed with that show yeah um but yeah that's i'm sorry i can't think of anything else but how into this podcast i would be we should maybe we should start doing it tm tm tm tm tm tm hey everyone freddie wong matt arnold and will campos here to tell you about story break Writer's Room podcast where every week we, the Hollywood geniuses behind video game high school, have one hour to turn a humble idea into an awesome movie. Thrill as we weave the tragic tale of Jar Jar, a Star Wars story. We're going to double down on everything that made the prequels great.

Jar Jar, Trade Federation, Politics. Gasp as we assemble a pantheon of heroes for the Kellogg's Cinematic Universe. We could get rid of Snap, Crackle, Pop. I wouldn't even miss them. You're crazy. They'd die in the second act. Oh, come on! And join us as we make fun of Matt as he struggles to name a single Beyoncé song. Well, yeah, put a finger

on it. Sure, she wants to be Beyoncé. Put a finger on it. Beyoncé is the famous song. Will we break the story? Or will the story break us? Find out by joining us in the writer's room every Thursday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Round three. Fatality.

Is this like a Street Fighter thing you're doing? Oh, baby, no, you've hurt me. I never really play. Oh, Mortal Kombat. Oh, you've wounded me. Mortal Kombat. Hey, can you tell me what the difference between mortal kombat and street fighter is wasn't it just two dudes fighting each other or i guess two men or women fighting each other

what's the difference in moral combat they're like fucking killing each other and tearing their spines out and shit and And Street Fighter was more about sort of honorable combat. There was no murder necessarily. I mean, M. Bison definitely murdered some motherfuckers. But anyway. Anyway, round three. Desserts. Should I just list out all four and we could just do a quick fucking melee?

Yeah. Pumpkin pie. Yes. Pecan pie. Yes. Pump bread okay you lost me on pumpkin roll like a swiss cake roll like the it's like a pumpkin i don't think everybody does that i mean i looked it up and we did it and there were lots of other people who did it too there's dozens of us rachel it's like it's like a swiss cake roll but with like a cream cheese filling inside of the pumpkin okay i love i love pumpkin bread yeah i don't think it's a dessert okay i didn't even

consider that yeah it's like a like a breakfast or like a i don't know like a like a snack it's not a thanksgiving dessert it's like a no i feel you i i'm totally there with you i put it in this category but i agree with you. It's probably miscategorized. Probably should have gone in essentials or sides, but sides was looking a little bit bloated

and so I put it in here. And this is the Bracketeers' fault. This is my fucking fault. Thank you. I think we've got to put an asterisk next to this one just because of my colossal failure here

as the GM on this one. Yes, colossal indeed. Pumpkin Roll, clearly you know my feelings about it. I don't have a lot of experience. You have no feelings about it. And that's fine. I kind of knew it was going to come down to these two sluggers. Pumpkin Pie or Pecan Pie. Yeah.

I think we're both going to be on the same side here. I think so, but I want to talk it out with you. Okay. Because I want to make sure that we're not leaving something on the table. Okay. Because obviously we talked about Pecan Pie. We had a whole Pecan Pie segment a couple episodes you. Okay. Because I want to make sure that we're not leaving something on the table. Okay. Because obviously we talked about pecan pie. We had a whole pecan pie segment a couple episodes ago. Yes. But pumpkin pie is also

It's good. It's good. It's good with a topping, I'll say. It's kind of flan-like. Maybe a little cheesecake-esque. Yeah. And I'm into that. And the flavor is just okay. No, you know what? Pecan pie is going to win.

You know, it's for the same reason that I like sweet potato casserole over mashed potatoes. Pecan pie has some texture up in it. Pumpkin pie doesn't offer you that texture. No, pumpkin pie is pretty one note. But you do put the whipped cream on it. You have to do that. And it's better. But pecan pie is so clearly the best.

Okay, here's another test. You're having a cup of coffee. Which pie do you want? Shit! Because pumpkin pie and coffee is really good. Shit! Shit! Pecan pie and coffee though, also very good. Yeah. Is there anything pumpkin pie can beat pecan pie at?

Vegetables. Our baby could probably eat pumpkin pie. Yes. But pecan pie at? Vegetables. Our baby could probably eat pumpkin pie. Yes. But pecan pie he would have trouble with. Yes. The fact that there is a vegetable in pumpkin pie. Is pumpkin a vegetable? Yeah, there's seeds.

There's seeds on a strawberry. There's seeds in a lemon. I don't think that's how that works. How's that work? Seeds are in fruit now that I think about it. Because remember how tomato was a fruit? Sounds like a pumpkin might be a fruit then. Oh, geez.

And a cucumber has seeds in it. And so that's a fruit. Okay. Do you want me to Google it as pumpkin fruit? Yeah. It's a vegetable, though. It's pumpkin fruit. Pumpkin is a fruit because it matches the dictionary definition of fruit.

The edible plant structure of a mature ovary of a flowering plant, usually eaten raw. But the same entry goes on to add many fruits are not sweet, such as tomatoes, beans, green peppers are usually called vegetables. Interesting. What the fuck are we doing then? Pumpkin is sweet though. So pumpkin is fruit. That's what's up.

You know what I love? Is pecan a fruit? No, pecan's definitely a vegetable. Just a big glass of pumpkin juice in the morning with my bacon and eggs. God. But pumpkin pie, you did your best. This category, we can pretty much stop doing, I feel like.

There will not be a pretender to the throne of Thanksgiving dessert pretty much ever. Can I come out and say something that we probably should have said at the top? There are going to be a lot of foods we don't mention this week. Wrong. This is all of them. You're welcome to join our Facebook group and discuss them. Yeah, but I mean, this is the law of the land, I feel like, until next year. Until next Thanksgiving. Okay, so wait, wait. Who do we have right now? We have

rolls. We got rolls, and we got sweet potato casserole, and we got pecan pie. That's pretty freaking good. It's pretty good. Next category. Veggies. Oh, let's just skip this one. That's pretty freaking good. It's pretty good. Next category, veggies. Oh, let's just skip this one. Hey, babe, what about green bean casserole? Green bean casserole I included because there's a lot of casseroles in that one category, and I just wanted to lump it in there. So vegetables, let's call this the less desirables category.

Yeah, and they had to have their own bracket because otherwise they were just going to get trampled. Do you have roasted Brussels sprouts in there? Brussels sprouts is my first one, babe. And let me say this, though. I just put Brussels sprouts. Roasted Brussels sprouts are good as fuck. You put a little bit of fish sauce on those. Hello.

Hello, gorgeous. If it's just kind of cut up Brussels sprouts that are still like, see, this is the rare exception. Yeah, steamed Brussels sprouts are really gross. This is the rare exception of I want Brussels sprouts to be fucking cooked as heck. Like, I want them to be charred. Like, I want to be able to, like, use them as kindling. Yes. The fresher stuff that I'm not a big fan of.

But, like, obviously we live in Austin. We have to be big brussels sprouts fans although i think brussels sprouts are well on their way out i think brussels sprouts are probably on their way out because there's a lot of five years out because there's only a few places that i've actually had them in austin where i was like i'm gonna order this every time i come here and then i've had a lot of brussels sprouts at a lot of restaurants where they went to those other restaurants and like, we can do this. And you actually can't do it. Like Brussels sprouts when cooked amazing are amazing. And anything less than that, it's like the drop off is very, very steep.

Anyway, Brussels sprouts, obviously great. Next category, salad. Next one, let's just skip over salad. Have you ever, do you ever, ever, ever, when you're collecting your plate, because this is all about plate estate, baby. Depends on the salad. No, it doesn't actually. It does. It doesn't.

It very much absolutely does. Let's say you see a salad. Pitch me on a salad, and I'm going to be thinking about all the other food we've talked about and try to think about them. I got it. Okay. I got it. It's ready. Is it a sweet potato casserole salad?

No, but it does have pecans. All right. Maybe. I got it. Okay. I got it. It's ready. Is it a sweet potato casserole salad? No. But it does have pecans. All right. Maybe it has pears. Okay. Maybe it has like a little bit of like gorgonzola cheese. Okay. Like a vinaigrette dressing.

Let's see. I would get some of that. That could take real estate on my plate. I would. I would. Maybe a blueberry in there. I would take half of stuffing's place on my plate i would i would maybe a blueberry in there i would take half of stuffing's plate place on my plate and i would give it to this this very tasty sounding pear and uh maybe walnut salad you just roll up pecans too much pecan it's a little bit a lot of pecan

okay but some gorgonzola on there i I would give half of stuffing, sort of. That said, I would pick Brussels sprouts over salad. Yes, absolutely. I'm just saying all salad doesn't have to come from a bag, Griffin. You can get fun with it. Yeah, no, I'm aware that you can make salad. The final one is

glazed carrots. Oh yeah, thumbs down. All right. The fifth and final category. Okay, I'm curious what you're going to do here. Is turkey. Versus what? Just turkey? It gets a pass.

It gets a buy round. It gets a buy week. There is, I will say. So you got to be so careful right now, because if you say, like, ham, I'm going to flip my fucking gourd. No, I'm going to flip my fucking gourd. No, I'm saying there is bad turkey out there. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.

But, I mean, we couldn't put turkey anywhere else. You couldn't put turkey in fucking essentials, because what are you going to do, not have turkey and rolls in there? Like, turkey is such an essential part of the equation. Yes, there's bad turkey out there. Is there any way on Thanksgiving you wouldn't eat turkey? Maybe if you had some sort of allergy, but otherwise, no.

I will say this. You said that there's bad turkey out there. I would like to counter that with the fact that there is no bad turkey. There are just bad people. There are bad people who do bad things to turkey. Turkey just wants to be nurtured.

You gotta keep it so wet all over, inside and out. Disclaimer, Griffin and I have not cooked a turkey before. And that's why I think I look at that process with such reverence. I genuinely do. A multi-hour process?

I watch the Gordon Ramsay one where he cuts the skin loose a little bit and then jams like just fucking I'm sorry I'm sorry he fists it full of butter and like herbs and stuff and he cooks it so that it gets inside the skin and it keeps all the meat wet inside like holy shit yeah Gordo you've done it again. Turkey, though. Turkey, great as a leftover. Oh, man. I mean, it's the quintessential leftover. A turkey sandwich the next day with some potatoes and some cranberry sauce, like, on the sandwich?

What? And stuffing on the sandwich? Bread on bread? Are you kidding? Yes. Yes. But no. I'm not kidding.

Let me hit you with this. If we've got to give I'm not kidding. Let me hit you with this. If we got to give turkey a contender, let me hit you with this. Okay. White meat versus dark meat. White meat. Oh, though. But think about that drummy stick. I don't know that I've ever had it.

You know how there's... What? You know how there's a limited amount of drumsticks on a turkey? Don't you play this game where, like, I eat all the drummy sticks every year? No. I'm saying that usually there are people that are very excited about

them, and I say, hey, you know what? It's Thanksgiving, and I'm grateful that you're excited. You have the drumstick. I just got so thirsty that I drank that whole glass of water in one gulp, and I'm grateful that you're excited. You have the drumstick. I just got so thirsty that I drank that whole glass of water in one gulp, and I'm 100% sure it's going to come through in the mix. I'm 100% sure everybody just heard my esophagus sort of convulsing, and I apologize for that. I like dark meat.

You should try it. That's pretty crazy that I had to say you should try eating the dark meat of the bird. Because it's so rich and so fatty and so much more like... I don't like a fatty meat. You can't eat a lot of dark meat because you eat a lot of it. But I will say this. If you enjoy how sleepy this good bird gets you, the dark meat, I feel like, will really get you there a little bit faster.

I love that there's a food that you eat on a holiday to get extra sleepy. Turkey, though. So, to recap. Here's the question. Do we want to move on to a round two? Do we leave it at that? The perfect plate is turkey,

sweet potato casserole, rolls, Brussels sprouts, and pecan pie. I don't think it's going to work to declare a winner overall because Thanksgiving isn't about that, Griffin. You're right, baby. I forgot the true meaning of no.

We are in the arena right now and this is the part we got to kill our darlings. Five foods. All right. Here's how it's going to work. You ready? You and I are going to go back and forth and we're going to blackball them one by one

until there's one left standing. That's the only way that it works. So you are going to go back and forth and we're going to blackball them one by one until there's one left standing. That's the only way that it works. So you're going to say one and I'm going to say what? No? Or what? No. I'm going to kick one off the list and then you're going to kick one off the list. And then we're going to do that again until there's one food left standing. All right, go. I'll start with the easy one, Brussels sprouts. I'm like, Brussels sprouts, what you're doing is cute.

But at the end of the day, you're just a bunch of leaves. And if you could, oh God, now I'm scared though. I'm going to kick off rolls. The rolls, it's just bread. I can see that. I can see that. Now we're fucking in it, aren't we, babe? Now we're really in it, aren't we?

Yes. We got pecan pie, we got turkey, we got sweet potato casserole. What about cranberry sauce? It got beaten by rolls. Oh, gosh. I am really hung on to that one. Do you want to bring that back? Do you want to wildcard it in?

We can wildcard it. I think if we look at all the food across the whole spectrum, you're going to take cranberry sauce over mashed potatoes, though? I don't want to take it over anything. I just miss it. Three remain. Pecan pie, sweet potato casserole, and turkey.

Okay. Shit, babe. Okay. Talk through this with me, okay? Pecan pie is very important to me. Sweet potato casserole is obviously very important to me. Turkey, I love that it's a meat you eat to get sleepy. Is it important to us that it is Thanksgiving?

What do you mean? I mean, we've kind of made choices on our tastes. What we haven't really brought into account is it is Thanksgiving. It is Thanksgiving. And if you are going to eat one food on Thanksgiving. That's fair. Okay. That said, I'm so sorry pecan pie kicking it off

i just cannot imagine that turkey if i could have a plate that's just turkey and sweet potato casserole i would still consider it a thanksgiving success either one of those is gone and i which by the way now that's your job you have to kill one of my two children. You keep saying potato. It's real cute. Do I keep saying potato? Sweet potato. I guess I do. It's adorable. God, babe.

You know how non-cognizant I am of my accent? Oh, boy. Okay. Sweet potato casserole. Sweet potato. Sweet potato casserole. Or toiki. Will you sing it like that sweet Melissa song?

Sweet potato. Oh, God, that's so good. Can I, let me get a clean one in there. Sweet potato. Go ahead, babe. Go ahead and ruin my Thanksgiving by killing one of these two foods you fucking monster all right let me talk through it real quick okay here's the thing it's not thanksgiving without turkey and here's here's another thing though sometimes it is I just remembered

I just remembered our vegetarian friends Oh yeah And the thing that is nice for our vegetarian friends Is sweet potato casserole Are you doing it? I will say this and I don't want to Lean you one way or the other But if you choose turkey

This is a fucking normie podcast for normies um rooting for turkey to win this is like rooting for the patriots to win the super bowl it's like oh my gosh it's like rooting for the yankees like come on here's the thing i'll say about sweet potato casserole though it's perfect it is a casserole casseroles don't require as much finesse as a turkey does. That's a good, that means there's more good sweet potato casserole out there than there is turkey. I know, but if somebody hands me a perfectly cooked turkey, you know, it shows. It's impressive.

Yeah. I'm not giving you anything. I already made the hard choice, my hard choice. This is on you. But don't make this a Normie podcast. You are really fighting hard for sweet potato casserole. It's out of my hands. Oh.

Oh. What does your heart tell you? I think I have to do sweet potato casserole. Keep it or lose it? Keep it. You have chosen wisely. Here's the thing I'll say. Okay.

You have an exceptionally good recipe for sweet potato casserole. Counter, we are looking for a dairy-free sweet potato casserole recipe out there. And it's a lot of variations on a theme. We just use margarine, right? It'll be okay. No, we don't use any. It's like honey and stuff. Oh.

Yeah. Yeah, sweet potato casserole, I just think it's the one I get the most excited for. It's the reason that whenever we do a potluck dinner thing, I always want to cook sweet potato casserole. Because I think it's the best fucking food, and I want to quality control it so hard. Oh, man. I don't feel good about this decision, though. Well, I feel great about it. Okay.

That was difficult. It was always going to be difficult. You got to make the choices. So you know what this means? It is Thursday. You and I can only eat sweet potato casserole. Yeah, I'm sorry, babe. No, no, no, no, no, no.

I could, I think, and still be good. You know what? I think I would eat sweet potato casserole on Thursday as long as on Friday I could have leftover sandwiches. Because I think leftover sandwiches might be my favorite food. I get very excited about leftover Sammies. Oh, we should ask Travis and Teresa over at Schmanners if we can take home our own leftovers. Oh, so if we bring like food over to a friend's house, can we take home our stuff? See, that's against the, I think I like it better when you bring your own Tupperware

and you just make a plate. Yeah. Yeah. You just bring that back. That's acceptable. Do you remember Rachel? I ate a lot of Thanksgiving leftovers last year because we had a baby on Black Friday and had a lot of people bring their Thanksgiving leftovers to us in the hospital, which was

very nice. I know that we've talked about. Yeah, but I've never talked about like the the surrealness of heating up Thanksgiving leftovers in a hospital room and sort of everything that goes into that. It was very, it was a very kind thing. Anyway, how about some submissions? Yeah. Here is one from Jaden who says something I find wonderful is when the grocery stores play the rainstorm sound effects with crashing thunder to let folks know that the veggies are about to get

sprayed down. I love that too. It's always been exciting since i was a kid and it still charms me to this day that they could do anything to let people know but instead they play a little storm it's so good me too i wonder how often that happens i always feel excited when it happens while i'm there yeah probably i don't know like every hour or so i don't know that was a complete guess but i always got so psyched because i just knew i was about to see some vegetables get wet uh here is another one from spencer who says over the summer my wife best friend and his significant over uh over his significant other drove 3 000 miles to get to yellowstone national park it's the most majestic place i've ever seen hundreds of miles of hiking and thousands of completely unbelievable scenes yellowstone is the world's first national park

signed into law by teddy roosevelt after a camping trip with famous naturalist john weir uh being with friends and driving for days on end all to culminate in volcanic hot springs canyons and mountains is about the best thing anyone can do that sounds good as hell yeah i've never been i've never been either i don't know i've been to like very few national parks uh or at least the big ones and i feel like I would really get into it. Last one here. This one's from Maggie, who says, Every week after the new episode of Wonderful, fellow Wonder Friend John Garcia posts the Etymology Corner in the Facebook group.

Oh, I've seen that. And it is one of my absolute favorite things. I always look forward to his funny and insightful posts where he demystifies the etymology of words from pink eye to Gatorade. I always learn something new, and it always makes me smile. Thanks, John. Thank you, John.

I really appreciate it too. I've always been a big fan of etymology. Yeah. I mean, I love like when I was younger, I used to be kind of like scared of touching bugs, but I really think it's cool to like collect them. Hey,

so thank you all so much for listening and thank you to maximum fun for having us. You can go to maximum fun.org. Check out all the great podcasts there. This is not usually how mean our format is but it's thanksgiving so you knew we had to get down and dirty you should talk about our lovely theme song oh yeah our theme song it's this great song it's called money won't pay from bowen and augustus uh it is such a jam i am in love with it and i'm very very grateful that we are allowed to use it on this show.

There's a link to it in the episode description. Go to macroyshows.com if you want to check out our other podcasts and video stuff. And I think that's it, huh? Yeah. I'm very thankful for you, Rachel. I'm thankful for you, too, and for this podcast and for our baby. For our baby. I'm very thankful for our listeners.

Our baby's about to turn one. Our baby turns one on Friday. As we mentioned, one our baby turns one on friday that is as we mentioned no he turns one on saturday 25th which is saturday 21st 22nd 20 our baby turns one on saturday i i did not forget his birthday i thought the 25th was friday um yeah and i'm very thankful for for our listeners seriously this podcast is a uh when when life kind of gets me down and i get stressed out with all the different kind of things i make, this podcast is a when life kind of gets me down and I get stressed out with all the different kind of things I make, like this podcast is so zero stress and

I look forward to it so much every week and you got a pretty great co-host I have the most wonderful co-host ever and she's the co-host of my life too, so oh, that's beautiful, that's it that's a noise loud playing outside, anyway bye Oh, that's beautiful. That's it. What's that noise? Loud plane outside.

Anyway, bye. Money won't pay. Working on it. Money won't pay. Working on it. Money won't pay. Working on it. Money won't pay. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. I'm Bez.

And I'm Teresa. And we host the weekly comedy podcast, One Bad Mother. We celebrate our moments of parenting genius. As well as our failures. Just like, we're going to have hot dogs. And I'm like, no, we're having fun. Everybody loves hot dogs. Yeah.

And it just like smashes that thing right on my chest. And then I'm just crying in the middle of like kids space while people are like literally dancing with their children. Parenting can be sad and painfully funny at the same time. So join us each week as we admit that this is hard, but we're getting really good at it. Find us at MaximumFun.org or wherever you download podcasts.