You're Dead to Me - Hernán Cortés and Malintzin: the Spanish conquest of Mexico

Episode Date: March 14, 2025

Greg Jenner is joined in 16th-Century Mexico by Dr Amy Fuller and comedian Jen Brister to learn about Spanish conquistador Hernán Cortés and his translator Malintzin.In 1521, the powerful Aztec empi...re was brutally conquered by the Spanish, led by the ambitious and fanatical Hernán Cortés. After a falling-out with his boss in Cuba, Cortés disobeyed orders and led an expedition party into Mexico. He was helped in his conquest by local peoples who bore a grudge against the Aztecs, chief amongst them the woman who became his translator: Malintzin. A skilled linguist, Malintzin was given to Cortés upon his arrival in Mexico, but after gaining her freedom was central to Cortés’s success. The two even had a son together.This episode tells the story of Cortés and Malintzin before, during and after the conquest, exploring how an Indigenous woman came to translate for a conquistador. From Malintzin’s murky childhood to Cortés’s desperate attempts to impress the king of Spain, via the rumours that he killed his first wife and the complicated politics of Mexico, we examine these two intertwined lives. If you’re a fan of bloody conquests, Indigenous histories and women surviving at any cost, you’ll love our episode on Cortés and Malintzin.If you want more from Jen Brister, check out our episode on Emma of Normandy. And for more Latin American history, listen to our episodes on the Aztecs and the Columbian Exchange.You’re Dead To Me is the comedy podcast that takes history seriously. Every episode, Greg Jenner brings together the best names in history and comedy to learn and laugh about the past. Hosted by: Greg Jenner Research by: Aida Abbashar Written by: Emmie Rose Price-Goodfellow, Emma Nagouse, and Greg Jenner Produced by: Emmie Rose Price-Goodfellow and Greg Jenner Audio Producer: Steve Hankey Production Coordinator: Ben Hollands Senior Producer: Emma Nagouse Executive Editor: James Cook

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 This BBC podcast is supported by ads outside the UK. work undercover and if she's got, she's going to be shot. Join me for more stories of unsung heroes, acts of resistance, deception and courage from World War II. Subscribe to History's Secret Heroes wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to You're Dead to Me, the Radio 4 comedy podcast that takes history seriously. My name is Greg Jenner, I'm a public historian, author and broadcaster. Today we are sharpening our language skills and sailing across the Atlantic to 16th century Mexico to learn all about the conquistador Hernan Cortes and his indigenous translator, Malintzin. And to help us understand this pair,
Starting point is 00:01:05 we have a pair of very special guests. In History Corner, she's senior lecturer in the history of the Americas at Nottingham Trent University. Her research focuses on early modern Spain and Mexico, specifically religion, identity and empire. It's Dr. Amy Fuller. Welcome Amy.
Starting point is 00:01:20 Thanks for having me. Delighted to have you here. And in Comedy Corner, she's a standup comedian, actor and writer. You'll have seen her on all the TV shows including Live at the Apollo, Mock the Week, Frankie Boyle's New World Order. Perhaps you've seen her on tour or read or listened to her hilariously honest memoir The Other Mother, I Love the Audiobook or her podcast WTB, which I think is short for a slightly ruder title. And you'll definitely remember her from our episode on Emma of Normandy, an absolute classic. It's Jen Brister.
Starting point is 00:01:46 Welcome, Jen. Oh, Greg, it's an absolute pleasure. We had a lot of fun last time in medieval England trying to remember that everyone was called Elf-Gee-Voo. Oh my God, what a name, Elf-Gee-Voo. And not only that, not understand or not having any knowledge about my own history, like that is quite something. And now I'm half English and I'm half Spanish,
Starting point is 00:02:06 so what I've realised is in the last episode I knew nothing about English history and today it'll be proven I know nothing about Spanish history. And Mexican history? Mexican history even less. Okay. Do you know the name Cortes? I feel like he's a fairly big name from history. I recognised the name Cortes but it wasn't and I thought, I don't know, who is this chap? And it was after I did a cursory Google, Amy, I hope you won't mind, that I went, oh, that guy. Yeah. Yeah. So I do, unlike last time I was on the podcast where I had
Starting point is 00:02:38 absolutely no knowledge at all of what was going on, I would say I have three and a half percent more knowledge on this particular subject, man. Oh wow! Yeah, guys, wait to be wowed! So what do you know? This is the So What Do You Know, where I have a go at guessing what you, our lovely listener, might know about today's subject. I'm guessing you have heard the name Cortez, the conquistador, I feel like it's a name
Starting point is 00:03:04 that's in the ether He's appeared in all kinds of TV shows and films most notably as the big baddie in the Dreamworks animation the road to El Dorado But unless you are Mexican or maybe American I suspect Melincin I imagine she's perhaps a lot less familiar as a name She's the subject of several Spanish language plays operas and books and appears in some famous murals, one painted by Diego Rivera in Mexico City. He was the husband of Frida Kahlo. Oh yes, I do know who he is. Look at me, one point already, well done. Now, Melinton has also been confusedly conflated with the Mexican folk tale of the Wailing Woman, La Llorona. La Llorona. Thank you. A vengeful ghost who drowns her own children.
Starting point is 00:03:46 Yeesh, you don't want that in a children's movie, do you? Sometimes she stabs them. Well, depends on the version. I don't think Disney's going to take up that story. No, no. But was the real story of Cortez and Melintzin its own different horror story involving ghosts and stabbings, maybe?
Starting point is 00:04:00 How have their reputations changed over time? And what exactly is Moctezuma's revenge? Let's find out. Today we're doing a bit of a buy one get one free biography. We'll start with Cortez purely because he happened to be born first. So Amy, who was he? Is he an aristocrat? You know, when he's born is he rich? We don't know what his first name actually was. It was either Fernando or Hernando which has been contracted to Hernan, so we always call him Hernan Cortes. But his name was Fernando or Hernando Cortes de Monro in Pertado, Altamirano. He was born in 1485 in Medellín, which is in Extremadura in Spain.
Starting point is 00:04:41 It's the central west part of Spain bordering with Portugal. And weirdly, a lot of the conquistadors are also from here. They seem to all come from this area. So he was a Hidalgo. He was petty nobility, we'd probably call him. Not very rich, no titles, but he would have had a duty to bear arms for his feudal lord and exemption from taxation. R.F. Fernando Hernando Cortes Imonroy Ipizarro Altamirano is a great name. That does sound quite noble. J.M. That's like three too many names, surely. It is.
Starting point is 00:05:12 It's greedy. R.F. And what about his childhood? Was he goes to school, educated? J.M. Yeah, we don't know a massive amount about him, to be honest. There's differing ideas about how educated he was. Some people say he went to the University of Salamanca for a time.
Starting point is 00:05:27 We think he probably had some legal training. Fairly well educated, I'd say. He tells us a lot about himself. He's his favourite subject. Gotcha. So there's an element of him telling his own history that he wants people to know. Very much so. Fair enough.
Starting point is 00:05:46 But in 1492, do you know what happened in 1492, Jen? Oh my gosh, don't ask me. But let's, do you want me to guess? Yeah, go on. So he's born in 1485, so in 1492 he is what, seven? He is. So he is sent away. That's a good guess.
Starting point is 00:06:00 He's sent away to school. Yeah, well more broadly in history, what do you think is happening in terms of Spanish history or global history in 1492? Some kind of war. I mean, there are a lot of wars, but it's it's Columbus. Right. So I was going to ask you to contextualize Columbus in this. OK, go on. Hernán Cortés is seven years old.
Starting point is 00:06:19 Columbus sails on behalf of the Spanish king and queen. Gotcha. In search of India and bumps into what's called the new world, inverted commas. It's obviously not new to the people who live there. So what makes Hernán Cortés decide he wants to follow in Columbus's wake? Because soon after, like 10, 12 years later, he's on a ship. Yeah, he's off to seek his fortune in the new world. He arrives in 1504, so he's 19,
Starting point is 00:06:44 and he goes off to a place called Hispaniola, which is now Haiti and the Dominican Republic. At that point, that's the base of operations in what they called the Indies. At this point, the Caribbean is on its way to being decimated, basically. They kind of round up lots of indigenous people people and they get them panning for gold, which kills a lot of people, mainly because they work them to death, essentially, plus all of the disease that they bring from Europe. Cortes does make a bit of money from this initially. So the idea is that they're going to populate this new world with settlers and they one by one they keep going to different islands basically. And murdering people. Yeah. Yeah,
Starting point is 00:07:31 okay that sounds very familiar. Yeah. And the indigenous people that lived in Haiti and in the Dominican Republic, would they have had any sort of relation to the Incas or, like Mexico is not that far away. Were they more similar to? They had smaller towns, so you don't find the kind of big cities with the pyramids and things like that in the Caribbean, but you do see decent sized kind of towns. That's been kind of rewritten to make it seem like they're just in kind of mud huts, but actually through archaeological research we found that they did actually live in decent sized towns. They were supposed to go and
Starting point is 00:08:10 convert them to Christianity and therefore they shouldn't have been allowed to enslave them, but they just kind of enslaved them instead. It happens. You pop out there to talk about Jesus Christ and before you know it, you've got, you know, hundred thousands of slaves. Yes. We should probably turn to Melinson. In 1504, Cortés is 19 years old. Melinson is a toddler at this point? Yeah, so we think she was born in 1500. We don't really know much about her or her early life. We think that her father was of some kind of nobility, but we think that her mother was enslaved.
Starting point is 00:08:54 She's now her, so she's from central Mexico, but she's not Aztec, that's quite important. She's from an area that gets taken over by the Aztecs, it's kind of on the Gulf Coast. She's sold into slavery with the Maya essentially when she's a young girl we think. She lives among the Maya for quite a time. And we don't even know her real name right? We know her by her later... No, we only know her baptismal name which was Marina and Melinson comes from that because there's no R in Nahuatl so they would hear Malina but they put the sin at the end
Starting point is 00:09:31 which is an honorific title so that is essentially Donia Marina in Nahuatl. Oh okay, so you say she was kidnapped sold into slavery by the Maya who were different people entirely from the Aztecs who were different people entirely from the Noaha. Yes, well you different people entirely from the Aztecs, who were different people entirely from the Nahua. Yes. So we... Well, you could be, if you were Aztec, you were Nahua, but you didn't have to be an Aztec if you were Nahua.
Starting point is 00:09:54 Gotcha. Okay. Gotcha. So, so, so, Malintzin, she is Nahua. She is not Maya and she's not Aztec. Yes, no. So, it's from a different group entirely. And the Nahawa people are...
Starting point is 00:10:11 So they are... Who? Basically everyone who lives in the central region of What's now Mexico. So basically where the Aztec Empire was. And you've mentioned the Aztecs... In our heads, I guess over here in the UK, we know the Aztecs as like the dominant superpower of the region. Yes. Is that wrong? No, it's not wrong. But what people often refer to them as is ancient. They call them ancient Aztecs and they're early modern, if anything, not even medieval. Yeah, this is the same time as Henry VIII. Yeah, so they they rise to prominence in the 1420s. They managed to create this empire that's spread from the Pacific to the Gulf Coast in a hundred years basically, but it's patchy and this becomes a problem later on.
Starting point is 00:10:54 They don't conquer everywhere. They're not after territory. It's a very different idea than we understand an empire to be. It's a franchise? Is it like Starbucks? They're after tribute. So both in terms of goods that they want, but also people for sacrifice. So they essentially don't bother to conquer anyone who doesn't have what they want or is too difficult to conquer.
Starting point is 00:11:19 If listeners want to know more about the Aztecs, we did them in series one. So scroll all the way down in the app to the very, very very beginnings but that's the political powder keg that is awaiting the Spanish spark Jen as you've pointed out actually that we've got all these different sort of power bases but let's get back to Cortes he's in Hispaniola so he's not got to Mexico yet. No no one has he is well we've already heard he's doing horrible things to the indigenous peoples. He's trying to get cash, but he's got a job. Yes. Is he a legal job? Yes. So he's a notary for a while.
Starting point is 00:11:49 And then in 1511, he takes part in the conquest of Cuba, which was organized by Diego Velasquez, who then becomes the governor of Cuba. Yes. Initially, Velasquez is very impressed by him. He becomes his secretary and that's when Cortes starts to rise to prominence. He gains more wealth and power. He's granted what's called an encomienda, which is essentially, it's legal slavery, basically. Oh dear, yeah, okay.
Starting point is 00:12:21 It's a grant of indigenous labor. So you don't actually own the people, because they're supposedly Spanish citizens, right? Yeah. But you have control of their labor. So it is basically slavery. Sure, okay, yes. So forced labor that the Spanish crown is allowing to happen.
Starting point is 00:12:40 Yes. Okay. Yes. So the encomienda system is obviously being cooked up to exploit the indigenous peoples. But the relationship with Velasquez, who's sort of his boss, sort of his patron, sounds quite tense, Jen. It sounds quite competitive. Yes. Why do you think they fell out? What do you reckon the spark was? Oh, well, you've said that Cortes is very ambitious. He probably
Starting point is 00:13:06 realises that if he's going to promote himself, he probably needs Diego Velásquez's job at the bare minimum, or at least to get rid of him so that he can have more control, more authority, I don't know. I mean, that's certainly the conventional way, but actually there's a woman involved. There's a lady. Oh my goodness, there's always but actually that there's a woman involved, there's a lady. Oh my goodness there's always a lady. There's a woman involved. And it's not a love triangle. No. It's a love rhomboid, it's a sort of weird.
Starting point is 00:13:32 Yes, so they fall out for a few different reasons. In 1514 Cortes leads a group of settlers who aren't happy with their lot essentially in almost a bit of a rebellion. So that obviously doesn't go down particularly well. So you were sort of right there, Jen. He sort of he tries to strike out on his own, doesn't quite land, okay. But then he also, Cortes has a relationship with a Spanish woman who is the sister of, so Cortes shares an encomienda with a guy called Juan Suarez. He gets involved with his sister, Catalina Suarez.
Starting point is 00:14:09 That family come over with the vicereine as his sisters become ladies-in-waiting. Catalina's one of them. There's the mom and about three or four sisters. Now Velasquez is in love apparently with one of these other sisters. Oh no. And so there's an understanding that if you get engaged to a woman then you can start sleeping together and so Cortez gets engaged to Catalina and then fobs her off, tries to run away and apparently because Velasquez was in love with her sister, he puts, he throws her in.
Starting point is 00:14:45 Jump to the family honour, yeah, okay. And he throws Cortez in prison for this. So he asks for Catalina's hand in marriage so that he can sleep with her. And then goes, do you know what, I'm not into this anymore. I've slept with you, but I've actually don't wanna do this engagement.
Starting point is 00:15:03 And so then Velasquez goes, oh, you can't do that. So I'm going to defend my your her sister's honor. Yes. Yeah. And now I'm going to have a duel. Yeah. No, because it was the legally binding. Yeah. And you could if you were kind of the scorned fiance, you you could put you could sue. So that's essentially what Catalina did and then eventually he relents and goes ok, alright I'll marry you then.
Starting point is 00:15:30 That is the most romantic thing I've ever heard. What a wonderful romcom. That's the happy ending we were all looking for for Catalina. Come on Richard Curtis, pull your finger out, this is the story we want to see. Run to the airport, run to the jail cell, I love you really probably, I don't know these, you know. That's a great title, I love you really probably. I don't know these these That's a great title. I love you. Maybe probably I have to point out again Jen. I'm so sorry, but we were in a double name situation again We had El Guifu El Guifu El Guifu multiple times and we've got Catalina Catalina
Starting point is 00:15:58 Because Cortez's mum is Catalina. Oh, no this right. This is gonna be one of his children There's other names. This is what we've got you back Joan we only do it for episodes if we share names. I appreciate it. So okay so his wife begrudgingly is Catalina Suarez. Catalina Cortes or does she keep Suarez? Oh no they don't change their names so she continues with her name but this seems to mend the rift with Velázquez, and so Cortés becomes the mayor of Santiago in Cuba. So he does well out there. So he does, yeah, he gets a nice... Oh, it's a happy ending for the good guy. Exactly. Yeah, great, great. So Cortés and Velázquez are besties again. He was climbing the ranks, he was the mayor of Santiago, and in 1518, Felesquez gave him another promotion and this one is an expedition promotion. I want you to go
Starting point is 00:16:51 and explore, conquer. Well, explore and trade was worthy orders. The age old trade. Can you go and trade please and bring lots of swords? Yeah, and where is he going? So he's off to the Yucatan in 1517 they finally, even though they're right next to it, it takes them forever to find the Yucatan. It's just there. And the Yucatan is the peninsula of eastern Mexico, right? Yes. I've been there on holiday, it's lovely. So there are two expeditions before Cortes's expedition. So the first one goes in February of 1517, that's led by a guy called Francisco Hernández de Córdova. Many of the people didn't survive, they basically get attacked by the Maya
Starting point is 00:17:41 and most of them die, including the leader of the expedition but they they realize that there's a place with these big cities and so they think hmm want to investigate that. So you say we said promotion but is this Valeska sending Cortes off to his death? Well the second so the second expedition which leaves in 1518 in May is led by another guy called Juan de Grajalva. That guy fares a little bit better and he actually manages to meet some Aztecs as well and that's where they find out about this great city called Tenochtitlan and Moctezuma and lots of treasure and things and so this obviously peaks Cortez's
Starting point is 00:18:26 interest. So despite the fact that there are other candidates who would be more experienced, Velázquez gives him the job to go on the next expedition. So the one in 1517 is Francisco. Yes, doesn't go well everyone dies. 1518 is led by, sorry, it was named... Juan de Grahalva. Juan de Grahalva. Okay. Okay, so Juan goes out in 1518 and and that fairs a bit better because they meet the Aztecs. Yes. Nobody dies? Some people die. Yeah, there is... One person dies. There's still some death, not quite as catastrophic as the first one, but it doesn't look great. And then Velasquez goes, listen, third time lucky. Yeah, what do you reckon?
Starting point is 00:19:15 Once more with feeling. I've got a really good, I reckon this time they'll welcome us. Yeah, so this is the third time, third time, and he's like, I've got a good feeling for you, Cortez. Yes, yes. Now Velasquez starts to hear rumors that Cortez has plans that don't involve him. And so at the last minute Velasquez says,
Starting point is 00:19:40 no, I don't want Cortez anymore, let's not do this. However Cortez kind of sticks his fingers in his ears and goes la la la la la. And he manages to he goes to the other side of Cuba basically and gets more men more supplies and then heads off I think he goes to another bit of Cuba and he evades arrest about four times, I think. And then finally, yes, basically finally sets off in 1519. And he founds Vera Cruz, the first Spanish town in Mexico. He immediately divorces Velázquez from his sort of chain of command, right? He's just like, I founded a town and I am,
Starting point is 00:20:22 I answer to the Spanish king and Velázesi is dead to me and everything's fine. So how, war, but what about, so he's now, but he's going to have to come back. So when he comes back, is he going to, just to let you know, I'm not listening to you anymore. I mean, how does that work? So he's not coming back. Catalina's like, what? But I love you. He's not coming back. He's not. Catalina's like, what? But I love you. He's not coming back so much so that he burns the boats so that no one can go back. No way.
Starting point is 00:20:51 OK, all right. So his men are like, um. I wanted to go back just so I had a feedback. Yeah, I actually left my wife and children back there, actually. And she's like, tough. No, you're not going back. OK.
Starting point is 00:21:00 We know all about this from his first letter, essentially. It's an amazing letter. It is. It's not even a letter, it's like a rant. Yes, so he knows essentially that in the meantime Velasquez will have obviously written to the king and said, look, there's this complete wrong-un who's gone, you know, rogue, he's off gallivanting, I don't even know what he's doing. And so Cortes knows all of this. So he doesn't even make it a letter from him, he makes it a letter from the town council of Vera Cruz. That he's founded. That he has founded. And essentially, it's an insane letter, but he essentially discredits Velázquez, he says that he is greedy, he's
Starting point is 00:21:47 not doing any of the converting that he's supposed to be doing, he's only interested in his own personal wealth, he says that the first two expeditions were a total rubbish, got nowhere, that also they were not interested in converting anyone, which, you know, was essentially the legal reason for them to be there. And so Cortes rants and rants and rants and then talks about how great he is, how he, oh I put all of my fortune into this, every step of the way, I've done everything by the book, I've converted everyone to Christianity, I've made sure, you know, I took fries with me and I, I, I, it's a massively long letter.
Starting point is 00:22:27 Do you think Elon Musk read this letter? This guy sounds like someone I need to model myself on. So, cause I was going to ask you why on earth, if you have founded a town and you're, and you have had a successful expedition, isn't it that you want to go back to Spain with all this glory and go, look at me, I did this, I've got a town, I've created this, I'm the big guy, not this guy, why would you burn all your boats to stay? Because he's essentially a fugitive, because he's gone over the head of the Alaskans, therefore
Starting point is 00:23:02 he's a traitor, essentially. But lots of people write about this saying, you know, they describe Cortes as this kind of, oh, he made all these risky decisions and it's like, I'm sorry, if I was going to be arrested for treason and hung, I'd be a bit of a maverick too, quite frankly. Right. Once you've done one crime, you can't go back and go, so sorry, sorry about the crime. And he wants to double down. He wants to notch it land. He wants the treasure from Moctezuma. We know he's ambitious. We know he's ambitious. So he's obviously trying to feather his own nest.
Starting point is 00:23:32 Tiny bit of trivia that's completely unrelated to the history, but I love it, is that the actor who voiced Cortez in the Road to El Dorado animation also was the voice of Winnie the Pooh. And so I'm just- That is upsetting. I'm just hearing the voice of Winnie the Pooh whenever Cortez speaks. Of course, Winnie the Pooh and so I'm just that is upsetting I'm just hearing the voice of Winnie the Pooh whenever Cortez speaks. Of course Winnie the Pooh craves pots of honey Cortez is after pots of money so he's off he's off seeking golden glory 1519 and he is going to meet Melintzin finally we get our meat cute except it's not a meat cute it's a meat yuck because she is enslaved and he is arriving as a conqueror. Yes, yes. So Melintzin is one of 20 girls, I guess she's only 19, given to the Spanish conquistadors by the
Starting point is 00:24:16 Maya as a kind of diplomatic gesture. Right. So yeah, she's a present initially. Wow. Yeah. So yeah, she's a present initially. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. We're not sure at what point it becomes clear that she has really useful linguistic abilities. Right. Cortez has shown up, obviously not able to speak
Starting point is 00:24:34 any of the languages spoken by the indigenous people he's meeting. He's like, you know, hola! And they're like, what? So that's not gonna work. So how does the translation work then? If Cortez wants to say something to the Maya. What he also does is he picks up some Spanish men who had been
Starting point is 00:24:51 shipwrecked in the Maya region and had lived with the Maya for a time. So they could speak Spanish and Chontor Maya, I believe. So she could speak Maya and Nahuatl. So Cortez would speak to a guy called Hieronymus the Aguillard and he would then speak Maya to Melintzin and then she would speak Nahuatl to any Aztecs. Oh it's just like a chain of... And then backwards if the other way around. You know that never works well does it with the old whispers. It's like hang on a second, I'm pretty sure I didn't say that. Yeah. Yeah. But then she's got quite a lot of power, because then she can translate anything in any which way she can, once, in a way. Like, oh yeah, he said this, did he? Yeah, oh yeah,
Starting point is 00:25:35 yeah. We think she learned Spanish quite quickly, and actually Aguilard, he becomes kind of almost obsolete quite early on. Yeah. So then she can kind of do all of it. Does she, does she become Marina then and there? Yeah. So she's baptized as Marina. She would never have been regarded as a slave among the Spanish, because as soon as he starts to kind of conquer, then she's a Spanish citizen, essentially. Yeah, she's baptized and then obviously you can't enslave Christians anyway or not supposed to. But yeah she she was incredibly important. They wouldn't have you know been able to do
Starting point is 00:26:15 anything without her essentially. Not only can she you know tell people what he wants to say and vice versa but she also understands the etiquette which is incredibly different. So she understands the etiquette of the Spanish and she also understands the etiquette of the Mayan, is it the Mayan people? The other Nawa people. The other Nawa people, yes. The Maya too but it's the Nawa people that are in that part of... More kind of important to the conquest. And Cortez is presumably using charm and violence, those two lovely combi... Yeah, essentially, he learns quite early on
Starting point is 00:26:53 that the Aztec Empire isn't as solid as he thought it was. And he also learns that there are certain groups who aren't happy with the Aztecs. He gets the Totonacs on side initially by capturing an Aztec tax collector. So the Totonacs aren't happy with the amount of tribute they're paying, so he basically captures the tax collector and says, look, join us and you'll be free. Right. Now the most important allies that he picks up are the Tlaxcalans. They hate
Starting point is 00:27:26 the Aztecs, absolutely hate the Aztecs, but they put up a big fight against the Spanish for quite a while. They're not happy to go to their side, mainly because they see them with the Totonacs who were allies of the Aztecs essentially. Okay, so the local politics. And they're like, well, we don't trust you. So there are many battles before the Tlashcannons eventually decide to allow them to come to side. I feel like the Spanish have arrived. There's not that many of them. They seem very annoying.
Starting point is 00:27:59 They're going around telling people what to do. Oh, you can do that, and I'll do that. And it's like, why don't the Tutenex and the Mayans and everybody, they get together and go let's just kill these Spanish guys because they are a pain in the butt and they keep talking about some guy called Jesus, I don't know who he is, what do you say? I mean it seems like somebody missed a trick very early on. Yeah well the Tlaxcalans do, at one point it seems like the Tlaxcalans might
Starting point is 00:28:23 actually finish them off. The Spanish really have to think about their tactics in order to to not be killed basically. The thing that the Spanish have which helps them is obviously their steel swords. Yeah. And gunpowder. Yeah.. More has been made about the gunpowder than actually like it. It's useful. Long range. Sure. But what the Spanish found was they had to stay in their kind of military kind of formations and not disperse whatsoever, because the moment they dispersed,
Starting point is 00:28:58 they were just picked off one by one. OK. But also Cortez had the idea that they just needed to be really visible. So they wouldn't fight at night, that was kind of just not done. So at night Cortes would kind of say, right, we're going to kind of make ourselves visible so they know that we're not dead yet, you know, we're going to keep going, we're going to keep going. And then they kept trying to send gifts to them as well to say, look, you know, we come
Starting point is 00:29:24 in peace, we don't want to fight you. There are factions within the Tashkallans who, some of them don't want to join the Spanish at all and had they got their own way, they probably would have killed them. We're talking about an army of 600 Spanish soldiers, it's not a huge army. No. If it had gone the other way, perhaps if they hadn hadn't gotten that well with the Aztecs maybe the Tlaxcalans would have said sod it so we have to conquer Tenochtitlan what we're not gonna do it
Starting point is 00:29:53 Cortes is gonna do it a vast vast citadel an incredibly sophisticated huge city yeah and 600 Spaniards show up and some allies. Yeah, with about 2,000 slash Talons probably. So about 2,500 people show up on the doors of this fast imperial citadel and they just, what, bring the doorbell and say hello, we've come to conquer you. So along the way, obviously Moctezuma has heard about this. He has people all over his empire who can kind of go back and tell him things. So he's the Attak Emperor? Yes, we call it the Tlatwani is the real word, which means he who speaks, but we tend to call him the Emperor. Yeah, I should take that title.
Starting point is 00:30:38 That's my job. I think we can all take that as well. So he has spies that have told him about all of this. And actually he would have known about them for at least a year before Cortez even got to set up Vera Cruz because the previous guy met an Aztec kind of diplomat. And so he would have known that they're these weird guys. Is he not like we've got to do something about these guys? Yeah well they set traps for them which were intercepted by the Tashcallans, by Malintzin, they found out
Starting point is 00:31:14 about things that were... Okay so Cortez is about to step on various booby traps and Malintzin's like don't step on that, don't eat that, no that's not a fruit, that's a grenade. Yeah Moctezuma also sends people out with gifts and things. Chocolate. Yeah but probably but also gold which is not so in Aztec terms that's basically a show of power and it would have sent the message of back off I've got all of this power have sent the message of back off I've got all this power but obviously to Cortez he's like oh these guys love us! They've given us gold this is great! Ding dong! Hi! And so we know that Moctezuma meets Cortez. Yes yes on a causeway. And then suddenly the city falls I mean that's that's very truncated... Yes. Moctezuma invites them into the city. So his idea, and he's been painted very badly for this, but there's a few reasons why he
Starting point is 00:32:12 does this. For a start, once they're in the city, they're at their mercy, they're their hosts basically, so they can control them to a certain extent. Their weapons don't work quite as well either in the confines of the city, but also Moctezuma would have been thinking, well, we can't have a battle kind of outside of the city because if it looks like we're losing, everyone else is going to join. Going to pile on.
Starting point is 00:32:40 Oh, right. Exactly. To control the narrative. Yes, exactly. So although he's been, people say that he was stupid for doing this, there is, there are reasons. PR is important. It is. You've got to keep on top of that sort of thing. Yeah, so they first meet, it's November, so definitely by April, so they're there for ages. So November's 1519, six months later. So definitely by then, but probably sooner, but we don't know when Cortes basically kidnaps
Starting point is 00:33:09 Moctezuma and they have this very strange thing where Moctezuma is pretending that everything's fine because if he lets on, his people will essentially get rid of him and get the next Aztec Emperor. I mean, have they not noticed there's something going on? Yes. Well, he pretends that they're just like at leisure together. It's very weird. This weird situation where he's got hold of Moctezuma gets, it comes to an end because
Starting point is 00:33:40 Cortes hears that Velázquez has finally got his together. Oh, I forgot about him. We forgot about Velasquez has finally got his together and sent a massive army to arrest Cortes. No Friars, just an army. Just an army, yeah. So I think it's May, May of 1520 basically, Cortes hears he has to race off to the Gulf Coast. He manages to convince those guys to join him.
Starting point is 00:34:06 Nice. He is very persuasive. He's a charmer. He is a charmer. In the meantime, he leaves a guy called Pedro de Alvarado in charge. And we don't know if he does hear these rumours or not, but his version of events is that he hears rumors that the Aztecs are going to attack them so they engage in a massive massacre basically.
Starting point is 00:34:31 Wait, wait, sorry. I feel like we've gone and then there was a massacre. So the Spanish army have arrived. Yeah, Cortes races off to face them down. Yeah, he's got, he's got, right, you guys join me and they're like, love to. Yeah, here's all the gold I've got, like come get some gold. Yeah, look, I mean, we're loaded. Why would you stick with the Velásquez guy? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:52 Meanwhile, Pedro de Alvarado has left back in the city of Tenochtitlan. Yes. He then goes, oh, I've just heard the Aztecs are threatening to kill us all. We'd better kill them first. Yes, basically. So then he just goes on a... Yeah, and it's unarmed people as well. So basically there's a big festival and they seal off this kind of temple precinct and
Starting point is 00:35:12 kill. So that's not from... Lots of unarmed people. That's not the orders from Cortes then? No, no. So when Cortes finds... Or at least Cortes tells us it's not. I bet you he doesn't...
Starting point is 00:35:23 Yeah we can't trust him. Why would you... He's not going to leave any evidence of his complicity is he? He knows what he's doing. Oh my, this Cortez guy. Yeah and so Montezuma appears on a terrace to convince his people to sort of calm down and then somehow he dies. Yeah so I'm sure his people killed him. Like people aren't very happy with him obviously. Yeah Actually, Malintin also goes on the terrace and tries to convey these messages. The conquistador's version of events is that he is hit with a slingshot and later dies of his wounds. However, the indigenous version of events is that he gets stabbed, basically, by Cortes, because he's no longer of any use, basically.
Starting point is 00:36:04 So that's the end of Montezuma. Cortes is now in control, I think we can say. It's quite interesting because I didn't know, and this makes a lot of sense, that the Spanish had allies amongst other indigenous communities or people. I just assumed that all of the Aztecs were murdered by the conquistadors, like the Spanish. But they actually got help. Cortes then continues, and Mexico is conquered by Spain, and it becomes part of the Spanish Empire and sends home all the silver and gold back to Spain. So that's sort of the conquest story. And then Melintzin at this point has kind of done her job.
Starting point is 00:36:42 No. So could she not just go, all right, job done, thanks so much, I'm off? She's so important that she becomes part of the con, the conversion effort as well to begin with. And she also is involved in other missions that Cortez goes on, like to Honduras, for example. So she's, yeah, she continues to be his right-hand woman.
Starting point is 00:37:03 I mean, they have a kid together, don't they? They do. We have no idea, obviously, how consensual that was, but they have a child called Martin. But she doesn't marry Cortes because he's married, so she's with Cortes, but she then marries another Spanish... Yes. ...captain? She marries a guy called Juan Jaramillo in 1524, he's one of the captains.
Starting point is 00:37:27 We actually think that she probably wasn't given to him that actually it was her choice to have this kind of, because she would have understood that that was the way that she could acquire kind of her own power and everything, so it seems to be strategic. The interesting thing about Malinson is that sort of where the story ends she dies quite young she dies in 1529 when she's only she's barely 30 yeah if that so that's quite sad and that's where we leave her in the story apart from perhaps in your nuance window but what about Cortez does he then say oh big thanks to Malinson you know does he say is there a sort of like in memoriam section where he's like, she, you know, I really needed her or does he just sort of pretend she never really did anything important?
Starting point is 00:38:11 No, he, we think she, sorry, we think that he rewarded her with an encomienda as part of her diary. So she got enslaved workers too. Yeah. Right. But she, which means that she would be one of only, I think, three indigenous people who were given permanent encomiendas. Right. So that shows kind of just how important she was. And Martín gets sent to Spain and actually lives with the
Starting point is 00:38:38 Spanish nobility, Spanish royalty. Okay. So he and Cortez formally recognizes him as his son as well. Right. So they're legitimate. Yeah, he legitimizes. Cortez does downplay her a bit in his letters. Oh, yeah. But other writers sort of put it back into the picture at the time. Yeah. So what we have to remember, obviously, with Cortez's letters are it's the Cortez show and this is all about me and you can't do this without me so you can't
Starting point is 00:39:08 possibly you know arrest me and and try me for treason so nobody gets a look in apart from Cortez really in his letters but Bernal Diaz in particular the other conquistador he loves, he writes about her as if she's a saint. He compares her to Joseph of the Technicolor Dreamcoat fame. Wow. Yeah, he says that, you know… They both like colour. Yeah, and you know, sold into slavery as a child, and he's got a whole scene where she goes back to her family and forgives them for what they did to her, even though that's
Starting point is 00:39:42 probably never happened. Sure, it feels like a romantic trope. It's a bit of a hagiography thing. Does she know how she died? I think she just kind of succumbed, in the end got one of the many diseases that the Europeans so kindly brought over. And she was so young. You know, from like, it's like she really only in that whole period was around for a decade. And within that decade, she had such
Starting point is 00:40:11 a huge influence and I think when you're also when you're a young woman and you've got literally no agency, you grab it where you can, don't you? You do. How does history view her? Do historians view her kindly? Not so much. No, well historians it depends on... so essentially we have the big great, great, I'm putting quotation marks around that, historian of the conquest who's a Victorian and the Victorians have a lot to answer for in terms of history being written called William Prescott. He is the biggest Cortez fanboy.
Starting point is 00:40:49 He is obsessed with Cortez to the extent where he desperately wants to find his tomb. He wants an engraving of like, he never actually goes to Mexico. He kind of acquires stuff from Mexico, but he keeps asking Yeah, basically So he essentially wants like a you know when kids do like those robbing. Yeah. Yeah, so he wants that of his team he also wants to collect Aztec skulls to go in the Yeah in the indigenous American skull collection in Harvard, so yeah, he's a problematic guy,
Starting point is 00:41:27 and he not only kind of, he does say she's important, but he also sexualizes her quite a lot, and talks about basically that her linguistic skills also included the language of love. I mean, where's he getting that from? Oh, he's just... There's absolutely no evidence of that at all. Dirty old man. So for a long time Cortes was viewed favourably for many centuries and would have been lauded and applauded.
Starting point is 00:41:55 Well this brings us to my next question actually Amy because for so long Cortes has been on the run from the Spanish authorities. People have been sending armies after him but he finally conquers Mexico which means presumably he gets to go to the King of Spain. Hello, this is yours because of me, so do you want to let me off and give me a job? I mean, does he get rewards? So yes, he does. He initially, he becomes the governor of what they call New Spain, which is what Mexico is called initially. Yeah, he get rewarded he also makes sure to have his letters published very quickly so they're all I think there's five of them and they're all published by 1525 just so his legacy is secure. He gets made governor of Mexico but it doesn't always He's too he's too hot-headed isn't he? He can't just settle for something and go, this is fine, this is enough.
Starting point is 00:42:46 No, he... Oh, what does he do? Well, he gets too big for his boots, basically. He's been too big for his boots for about two decades! So, part of the thing, he... In one of his last letters, he promises the king that he's not going to use the Encomienda system. Because back in Spain that they're not
Starting point is 00:43:06 liking it they know that it's been responsible for the death of so many indigenous people especially in the Caribbean and he says we won't do that we won't do that here then he realizes that Moctezuma doesn't have quite as much treasure as he'd hoped in order to reward his men so how does he reward his men? By using the incommunist system. So he basically tells the king, oh you know that thing I said I wasn't going to do well, I did it anyway. And then the king says, don't do that. And if you've given any out, you take them back. And Cortes argues back again and that doesn't go so well. So yeah, so the king appoints an investigator, Ponce de Leon, to come after him, strip some of his governorship in 1526, and Cortes does the classic apprentice candidate
Starting point is 00:43:50 thing of banging on the boardroom door saying, let me in, come on, I've got to, you know, and then Cortes is accused of poisoning Ponce de Leon? Yeah, so Ponce de Leon dies quite soon after he arrives. The second guy who is sent to investigate him also dies within like eight months. What are they dying from? I think they're dying from Cortes. Yeah, we don't know. I mean some people have said it might have been Cortes but we're not 100% sure about that. But yeah, in 1528 Cortes goes back to Spain to talk to the king. He's well received, he's even given a title, he's removed from being the governor of New Spain, but he's given, he's made the Marquess of the Valley of Oaxaca, given a massive encomienda. Wait a second, but that doesn't make any sense, you just said don't do it because that goes against our values. But when you come back, that doesn't make any sense. You just said don't do it because that goes against our values.
Starting point is 00:44:46 But when you come back, that'll be your reward, baby. Yeah, it's okay if the king gives them out, but nobody else. Okay. Also, it's not actually slavery they have a problem with. It's like who can give out slaves. Oh, these guys. And then obviously we mentioned Catalina very early in the episode. His lovely wife, who he's left behind, 1522 he'd left
Starting point is 00:45:05 her behind, she comes out to see him at last and they have a party and then she's found dead. There's reports of finger marks on her throat as if throttle. Yeah basically, so she's brought out in August of 1522, so a year after the conquest is complete, and she's not very happy because obviously he's been shagging everyone. At this point, Malinson is pregnant with Martine, and everyone knows who fathered that child. So it's a very uncomfortable situation for Catalina. She's not very happy with all his other women. They have a lot of rows about this apparently and one night in October they have a party and people overhear them rowing and about midnight he kind of runs out of the room and says she's dead, she's dead, there are kind of, yeah, finger marks on her throat according
Starting point is 00:46:03 to testimony. The guys who testify on his behalf say that she was a very sickly woman and she used to faint a lot and Cortez says that the reason why there are finger marks around her throat is because she fainted and he tried to stop her from fainting. Catch her, fruit first, as is traditional. Yeah, he also gets rid of her body very quickly, has a very quick funeral, which is not typical. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm not Miss Marple, but I can...
Starting point is 00:46:33 I don't know, Jen. Do you know what I mean? I'm feeling that maybe we can pretty much guarantee he killed her. And his motive for killing her was like, oh, you're just wanging on too much, or I just wanna, I haven't seen you for however many years and now I just want to live my life. Yeah I'm bored. You're dragging me back.
Starting point is 00:46:51 Yeah by that point he seems to think that she's not quite befitting his status and he does end up marrying a woman of much higher status and it just so happens that her uncle testified in on his behalf in this whole investigation. Pure coincidence Amy, what are you talking about? I mean honestly, the way all of the men in this entire historical period. You're holding your eyes like you've got to migrate. Absolutely appalling human beings and typically once again there is one woman and she's the
Starting point is 00:47:27 one that is vilified. Melinson. Well two women, one of whom's murdered and the other one is... One of whom's, yeah, one of the many Catalinas. It's absolutely incredible. So despite us knowing all of this, Cortes is a hero. Well I mean... Not now, but then...
Starting point is 00:47:44 He's constantly investigated, isn't he? Yes? They're constantly trying to investigate him for murder, for embezzlement, for not following orders. He is ruthless. He is avaricious. Even the Spanish think that, but he gets away with it. Yeah, I think it's partly because he manages to cement himself in the legacy of a conquest by publishing these letters. They can't really ignore him, but he also drags out this investigation for years and years and years. Because he's got the legal training, he knows how to slow down the court case. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:13 Okay, how does he die in the end? Does Moxismu get his revenge as the famous idiom would have it? Well, so he dies of, we think, pleurisy, but just before that he has a really bad case of dysentery. Good! I mean, what a way to go. Yeah, it sounds like a horrible death and, you know, couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. Nice guy, truly, absolutely.
Starting point is 00:48:37 He shot himself to death. I wasn't going to say it, Greg, but I'm glad you did. Because he was a shed and he deserved it. Okay, so pleurisy is probably what killed him, but dysentery probably didn't help. OK, so there you go, Jen. Hernan Cortes and Melinson. It's quite the story, isn't it? It is quite the story.
Starting point is 00:48:56 It's quite a sad story. It's tragic. There's no part of it that isn't... I mean, listen, comedy corner here, but it's pretty hard to find any light in that shade. He is genuinely one of the most unpleasant men in history, I would say. He's a truly awful human being. And I'm glad he shat himself today. I hope it came out of both ends for hours.
Starting point is 00:49:21 He's a horrible, horrible man. And sure, Melinson by proxy, you could say, yeah, but you know, she was no saint either. And that is absolutely true. But the power dynamic there was so, you know, you can't compare the two. You're looking at a young girl who was enslaved and was trying to survive. And she wasn't to know how it was going to turn out, you know, that it was going to end up being some't to know how it was gonna turn out you know that it was gonna be end up being some sort of genocidal mania and then this Cortez guy was just like total narcissist psychopath. Good guy! Good guy! Good guy! The Nuance Window!
Starting point is 00:50:04 Time now for The Nuance Window this is the part of the show where Jen and I machete our way through the jungle for two minutes while Amy tells us something we need to know about Malintzin. So my stopwatch is ready. You've got two minutes. Take it away Dr Amy. So sadly after Mexico gained its independence from Spain in 1821, Malintzin's public reputation went downhill. There was a desire to reclaim the history of the nation from the coloniser and to explain how the conquest happened, but unfortunately this led to her becoming a scapegoat. She's often referred to as the Mexican Eve, a traitor and a whore who betrayed her people despite
Starting point is 00:50:42 the fact that she wasn't Aztec, nor did she have much agency of her own. Weirdly, the hundreds of thousands of indigenous allies do not get blamed. They're presented as being tricked by Cortes into fighting against Moctezuma the tyrant. Yet she is not awarded the same dispensation. We know that the conquest was effectively an indigenous civil war that the Spanish took part in, so Milincen could even be seen as a freedom fighter maybe, but instead she ends up being conflated with the tragic ghost story of La Llorona. However, as depressing as all that is, let's reflect on how she was viewed by her contemporaries,
Starting point is 00:51:20 largely because it's quite annoying for Cortes and his fanboys. So not only did the other conquistadors testify that she was absolutely fundamental to the conquest, so much so that they could not have achieved their victory without her, but the Tashcalans in their pictorial sources present her in every scene that Cortes features, even in amongst the fighting, like a real badass. And sometimes she's even depicted as bigger than him, basically insinuating that she was more important than him. And in fact, because she was always in Cortes's company, the indigenous people they spoke to referred to Cortes as the captain of
Starting point is 00:51:59 Marina or Malinche. This not only demonstrates her importance to the Native allies, but even better, it effectively demoted Cortez because he was named in terms of his relationship with her. Good. It's really interesting that what you said though about her being scapegoated and that the indigenous allies weren't blamed, because it was a civil war. Why should she have any, why would she support the Aztecs? They enslaved her. She's, you know, she couldn't possibly blame her I don't think. I actually, I'm Team Balinson. I'm sure it didn't turn out great in the long term but I think she did what she had to do to survive.
Starting point is 00:52:39 So what do you know now? Right, well time now for the So What Do You Know Now? This is our quickfire quiz for Jen to see how much she's learned. I was going to say, Jen, are you feeling confident? No, not really. No, I'm not feeling confident at all. There's so much detail. You have taken some fantastic notes. Look at this. Oh, I've missed a page. No, I've taken way too many notes and now I feel completely overwhelmed. Seven, eight pages of notes, listener. Jen's written her own Cortez letter. I have, I have and most of it I can't read my own writing but let's try it, let's see what we can do. Alright, let's have a go, ten questions. Question one, where does the name Malintzin come from? I've already fallen at the first hurdle. Does it come from, what was
Starting point is 00:53:26 the Spanish name? Oh no. Yeah it's from her Spanish name. Marina. That's right, well done yeah plus the honorific suffix of sin at the end so well done. Question two, on Cuba why was Hernan Cortes thrown in jail by his boss Velasquez? Because he had slept with his fiancee and then ditched her. He had absolutely Catalina, he refused to marry her. Catalina, that's it. And then he was like, all right. Question three, what was legally very dodgy about Cortes leading his conquering expedition to the Yucatan Peninsula of Mexico? What was... What had Velasquez said to him? Oh, hang on, just give me a second. I've got like 600 notes here, so we'll get there. Well, he's promoted, no, hang on.
Starting point is 00:54:11 Cortés has gone without him, without his approval. Yeah, he's gone rogue, yeah. So he's gone rogue, so he hasn't got Velásquez's permission. That's right, he's on the run, basically. Yes, so he's a fugitive, this is the start of his fugitive journey. Yeah, well done. Question four, how did Malintzin
Starting point is 00:54:27 and Cortes first meet? He is, oh no, she is one of 20 girls that is given to the conquistadors as a gift from the Aztecs. And the Maya. Oh, from the Maya. Excellent. Question five, the Tashkalaans were crucial allies in the conquest of Tenochtitlan. Without them, how many Spanish soldiers would Cortes have had? 600? It is 600, well done, yeah. Question 6. What happened to Cortes's first wife Catalina in 1522? She was strangled to death by her husband. Or died of natural causes and was caught by the neck. Yes, she sneezed. He was worried about her. He caught her by the neck and she died. Ah, what a bastard. Question seven. What was the encomienda system? Slavery.
Starting point is 00:55:09 It was, but technically not slavery. But technically not slavery because you can't enslave Christians. Yes, that's right. But it turns out you can. But they did. Question eight. What was the name of both Cortes's dad and his son with Malintzin? Martin. It was Martin. Question nine. Who was the Aztec emperor based at Tenochtitlan who ultimately died at the hands of Cortes? Is it Montesuma?
Starting point is 00:55:29 It is, yeah very good. And this for a perfect ten, how did Cortes die in 1547? He died from pooing out of his bumhole. Or and or pleurisy. He did, both of those two things. Ten out of ten, Joan Brister. Oh come on. Never in doubt. Here we go. Only consulted the notes once. Actually did. Well done Jen, thank you. And of course thank you Amy as well. Listener, if you're bursting for more Brister, check out our episode on Emma of Normandy with all the Elf-Gee-Voo's. For more Mexican history or famous interpreters, you can do the Aztecs episode, series one, the Sacajawea episode, or the Colombian exchange episode, which is about Columbus and after that fact. And remember, if you've enjoyed the podcast, please share the show with friends, subscribe to
Starting point is 00:56:15 your dead to me on BBC sounds, and also make sure to switch on your notifications so you never miss an episode. I'd just like to say a huge thank you to our guests. In History Corner, we had the amazing Dr. Amy Fuller from Nottingham Trent University. Thank you, Amy! Thanks for having me, it was great fun. And in Comedy Corner we had the brilliant Jen Brister. Thank you, Jen! Oh, what a delight. I've really enjoyed it and thank you, Amy, I've learned a lot. And to you, lovely listener, join me next time as we translate another overlooked historical story. But for now, I'm off to write a long letter to the King of Spain, blaming someone else for all of my failures. Bye!
Starting point is 00:56:45 This episode of Your Dead to Me was researched by Ida Abesha. It was written by Emmy Rose Price Goodfellow, Emma Naguse and me. The audio producer was Steve Hankey and our production coordinator was Ben Hollands. It was produced by Emmy Rose Price Goodfellow, me and senior producer Emma Naguse and our executive editor was James Cook. Your Dead to Me is a BBC Studios audio production for BBC Radio 4. From BBC Radio 4, this is What Seriously? I'm Dara O'Brien.
Starting point is 00:57:21 And I'm Izzy Suttie. And in our new series, we're bringing you short stories and tall tales. What, seriously? It's packed with real life strange but true stories that make you go, What, seriously? And provide you with excellent social ammo to impress your friends. The twist is we don't know how each story unfolds and we'll have to figure it out one fragment at a time with our special guests
Starting point is 00:57:39 who each have a mysterious connection to the tale. That's right. I am your spy expert. And I don't really want to bring you back to the real facts of the story because you're making me laugh so much, but I feel like I should. We're the only country in the world that eats the animal on our crest, like... And I never know whether to feel terrible or brilliant about that. All these engineers are trying desperately to reduce the amount of dust in space
Starting point is 00:57:58 and you get Izzy taking up a balloon full of glitter. Wow! You're welcome. She had that one at the house. You're cool with all the stuff you have. I know, right? It's like I'm reading from a sheet or something, but no, I am. Join us for What Seriously? From BBC Radio 4, available now on BBC Sounds.
Starting point is 00:58:21 I'm Helena Bonham Carter and for BBC Radio 4, I'm back with a brand new series of History's Secret Heroes. And he tells her that she will be sent to France as a secret agent, she will work undercover, and if she's caught, she's going to be shot. Join me for more stories of unsung heroes, acts of resistance, deception and courage from World War II. Subscribe to History's Secret Heroes wherever you get your podcasts.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.