You're Dead to Me - King John and the Magna Carta

Episode Date: December 30, 2025

Dead Funny History: King John and the Magna Carta. King John was one of England’s least popular monarchs. In this episode of Dead Funny History, historian Greg Jenner explores how his chaotic reign led to one of the most important legal documents in history: Magna Carta.John wasn’t supposed to be king. As the youngest of eight children, he was nicknamed “John Lackland” and spent much of his early life overshadowed by his older brother, Richard the Lionheart. When Richard left for the Crusades, John couldn’t resist meddling – plotting to take the throne, stealing royal treasures, and even teaming up with the King of France.Greg takes us through John’s many missteps: losing French territories, getting excommunicated by the Pope, and sparking a rebellion led not by peasants, but by angry barons. These posh rebels didn’t storm castles – they wrote a list. That list became Magna Carta, a charter that limited royal power and laid the foundations for modern democracy.With jokes, sound effects, and a quiz to test your memory, this episode brings medieval history to life for families and fans of You're Dead To Me. You’ll learn why John’s crown jewels ended up at the bottom of The Wash, how Magna Carta gave rights to widows and fish, and why even the Pope got involved in the drama.Greg also explains how Magna Carta’s legacy lives on, despite John’s attempts to cancel it just weeks after signing. It’s a story of tantrums, treaties, and timeless principles, all told with humour and heart.Writers: Gabby Hutchinson Crouch, Athena Kugblenu and Dr Emma Nagouse Host: Greg Jenner Performers: Mali Ann Rees and Richard David-Caine Producer: Dr Emma Nagouse Associate Producer: Gabby Hutchinson Crouch Audio Producer: Emma Weatherill Researcher & Script Consultant: Dr Emmie Rose Price Goodfellow Production Coordinator: Liz Tuohy Production Manager: Jo Kyle Sound Designer: Peregrine AndrewsA BBC Studios Production

Hello, welcome to Dead Funny History. I'm Greg Jenner. I'm a historian and I want to tell you about something cool. And someone, ah, less cool. Now, some people think King John of England was a bad and unpopular medieval king. And people who say those things have a point. Sometimes being bad at stuff can make people like you, like the Jamaican bobsled team in 1988.

So fun! But King John wasn't bad in a fun way. He was just bad. But his reign did lead to something pretty great. The famous legal document, Magna Carta. Let's rewind to the 12th century. John was born in 1166. He was the youngest son of eight siblings. His parents were King Henry II of England. Hello.

And Eleanor of Akitaine. Hiya. Henry II and his sons were part of a dynasty called the Angevin Kings. Sounds a bit French. Oh it is. We ruled chunks of France too. As the baby, John never expected to be king. Unlike all his big brothers, he didn't even have any land. So he was nicknamed John Lackland. That's not fair. Yeah, a bit of a loser from the start. We've even had to bring in the sad trombone. Sadly, lots of John's brothers died young. So when King Henry II also died, in 1189, only John and his big bro, Richard, were left.

And so Richard became king. And unlike John, Richard was praised as a brave warrior. He was even nicknamed Richard the Lionheart. Yeah, if they'd been influencers, Richard would have been filming himself doing push-ups at 5am and John would have been doing a fortnight live feed to three viewers. But as the king's brother, John was doing all right for himself. He was Lord of Ireland, and at last was given a bunch of land in England and France.

But things got tricky when King Richard decided to leave the country. Bye-bye! He was off to go and fight in a religious war called the Crusades over in the Middle East. Johnny, popping out for a few years, if I get kidnapped, have the country pay a massive ransom for me. Mum's in charge while I'm gone. Don't touch my stuff. Okay, bye. Have you ever been told not to? to touch something, but that only makes you want to touch it more.

Yeah. John tried all sorts to ensure he would become king if Richard died. Unfortunately, John wasn't everyone's top choice. Lots of powerful barons preferred his nephew, Arthur of Brittany. But Richard has no kids. Obviously, as his only brother, I should be next in line. Okay, but get this. We nobles like Arthur. We don't like you. But John won the argument. He was made air presumptive and supreme governor of the kingdom in Richard's absence. John, I specifically said don't touch my stuff, you little weasel.

Oh, hang on. I'm just getting kidnapped. Help! Yeah, in 1192, Richard was on his way home from the Crusades when he was captured and locked up by the German king. And did his little brother help him? Oh, sorry, bro. I can't hear you crying for help over the sound of me taking all your stuff. And John took his rebellion even further. He even agreed to divorce his wife and marry the sister of Philip Augustus, the king of France. In return, King Philip would help John secure more French land. and together they even tried to bribe the German king

to keep Richard locked up or to hand him over to them and not to the English government. Sneaky. Everything's finally coming up, Johnny. Hmm, everything was not finally coming up Johnny because Richard was eventually released. What? Oh.

And understandably, Richard was not happy. In 1194, he took away all of John's lands, including the lordship of Ireland. John lacked land again. John had also not married Philip's sister, as was planned, instead marrying a woman called Isabella. John now threw himself at Richard's mercy and begged for forgiveness. Please don't get me in trouble.

I've made his little baby. It was Philip's idea, really. It wasn't my fault. Richard forgave him, and John then fought against King Philip of France. You know, the guy who helped him earlier. Mon dieu, I have been double-crossed. Cénie Pabon. When Richard the Lionheart died,

John was crowned king at Westminster on the 27th of May 1199. Finally! Your brothers, crowns and royal jewels, majesty. Oh, sweet. Big bros hand-me-downs. I won't lose those. And of course, all his lands in France.

I won't lose those either. If only, John soon lost a load of those French lands. As if that wasn't bad enough, in 1208, John got into a row with the Pope over who should be the new Archbishop of Canterbury. I, nobody missed without the Pope. I excommunicated you. Excommunication meant that all of the English bishops, apart from two, left the country.

And churches were closed. And nobody could even be buried in church graveyards. Majesty, Uncle Toby starting to really smell. Oh, it's not my fault. Yes, it is. Oh. And even when John tried to regain that lost French land, he was beaten by King Philip of France.

That is what you get for double crossing me, Zebel. By October 1214, John was back in England, having basically bankrupted himself. John lacked land and lacked cash. Yeah, King John was about as popular as a poo in a paddling pool, and a civil war was on the cards. Rebellions are usually associated with poor people rising up against oppressive regimes, but not this time. This rebellion was led by the rich barons.

King John always gives unfair promotions to his mates. Those promotions should go to... The powerful poshos just didn't like the way John, but also kings Richard and Henry before him, had treated them. They were upset about lots of things, including taxes, the king meddling in the church, and they're needing royal permission to get married. So the barons drew up a legal charter. Well, actually, mostly they copy and paste it an old coronation charter. It was a very la-di-da way to argue with a king.

Shall we storm the castle? No, let's write a list in joined-up writing. This did not intimidate King John. Ooh, scary. What are those poshos going to do? Throw like caviar and wax jackets at me? When he didn't listen, it was time for an armed confrontation in London. That's not fair! The rebel barons had support and weapons,

So John was forced to negotiate and on the 10th of June 1215 he met with them at Runnymead on the River Thames near where Thorpe Park is now although they were tragically 800 years too early for a quick ride on stealth. Following lots of back and forth between the barons and John

they finally agreed on a new charter with a set of principles. However, it doesn't look like King John was a very good negotiator. since the barons basically got everything they wanted. I'm offering a 25% stake in my kingdom for 1,000 shillings. We want a 100% stake. Okay, 100%.

Deal. Wow, you guys are tough. This charter is now known as Magna Carter. When sealed in 1215, it had 63 clauses. It's quite long and complex, but here are the headlines. The king is not above the law and his powers been limited. English Church free from royal interference. Inheritance tax for poshos changed.

Better rights for widows and pot people. Fines must be proportional to crimes. Measurements of goods like wine, cloth and corn to be standardised. Tax called Scootage can only be raised under strict circumstances like if a king's being kidnapped and needs ransom money again. There was also some weird stuff in there. No man is to be arrested for murder if the witness was a woman. Unless it's the murder victim's widow.

And in a huge victory for fish, almost all fishing whirs are to be removed. Women are now wondering why they have fewer rights than salmon. To be fair, there was stuff that benefited poorer people too. As well as demanding fairer taxes, Magna Carta enshrined the really important principle that no free man could be imprisoned or fined without charge. Hooray! In exchange for agreeing to Magna Carta, the rebel barons gave John oaths of loyalty. Hmm, it's just a bit of paper. What if I don't want to stick to it?

Saying that he wouldn't ignore the rights set out in Magna Carta. And just to be safe, a council. of 25 barons would monitor him to Cheki was keeping his promises. Why, don't they trust me? I'm king. Don't they like me? No. Oh. And true to form, a month after sticking his royal seal on Magna Carta at Runnymede, John had a big old strop and wrote to the Pope to try to get the charter overturned. Talk about little bro energy.

That's it, I'm telling Pope. And even though Magna Carta was meant to prevent a civil war, Or one kicked off anyway. Ooi, Baron Fitzwalter. Get off Nemesis Inferno. We're doing civil war and thought parks not invented yet. In 1215, the rebellious barons gave a load of northern England to the Scottish king and invited Prince Louis of France to invade England and take over the English throne.

You have to be pretty unpopular as king for your own people to go... Any of the nearby royals fancy ruling this place? Anyone's got to be better than this chump. Aye. Prince Louis did indeed take over London and Winchester. Se bon, except for the food. Guess he's pot a dick. And just as things were going really badly for John,

he died in 1216. And even more embarrassingly, the last thing he did was lose his crown jewels in the wash. No, no, no. Not in the washing machine. He lost his luggage. train when crossing a Lincolnshire estuary called the wash and the tide came in. It's so much worse than dropping your phone down the toilet.

Today, some historians argue that John wasn't that bad. He did inherit lots of his problems from Richard, so maybe he was more unlucky than incompetent. That's what I keep saying. It's not my fault. But either way, his reign was still a disaster. But from that disaster came Magna Carta. And even though John soon rejected the charter, agreed at Runnymede in 1215, Magna Carta remains one of the most iconic legal charters in world history

with a powerful, long-lasting legacy. Oh, so my main legacy is a document that I hated. That's not fair! Sorry, John. Shall we get the sad trombone to play you out? Oh, fine. So how much do you remember from today's speedy history lesson? Let's find out. Pensils are the ready.

Question one. According to Mike Nicarter, who was not above the law? The king or any reigning monarch? Question two. What was the name of John's big brother who went off to fight in the Crusades. Richard the First. And question three, where was Magna Carta negotiated and agreed by John and his barons?

Rennie Mead. Well done. Join us next time for another snappy history lesson. Thank you for listening. Bye! This was a BBC Studios audio production for Radio 4. Dead Funny History was written by Gabby Hutchinson Crouch, Athena Cable. and Dr. Emma Naguze. It was hosted by me, Greg Jenner, and performed by Malianne Reese and Richard David Payne.

The script consultant was Dr. Emmy Rose Price Goodfellow.